Life and Death

What do you do when, when you don’t know what to do? What to say. How to feel. What to think. An immense amount of emotions takes over and you feel like you’re literally drowning in pain.

To be the enemy of your own mind is exhausting. To me, it’s all the devil. God is not the author of confusing. So, yes. I always and will always look to Him for guidance. But I feel like you have to get to that point first. *Clears throat* (We’ll, let me speak for myself.) When turmoil is happening in your life or around you what do you do? How do you act? Or react? I set front row seat (Literally.) to the passing of my mother in law. (MNL) It has changed me. In ways that I can even fathom yet. But I know one day I will. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. It’s soooo scary to me that the same very things that hurt you, can help you. I comprehend that, but I don’t quite understand it yet? No. Let me rephrase that. I do understand it, but I DON’T comprehend it. Does that makes sense? I’ve seen hurt past my own understanding these last few weeks. To see your better half mourn, I’m just speechless.

My sympathy runneth over. But my empathy, we’ll I don’t want to be able to empathize. I know it sounds mess up maybe, but I don’t. I don’t want to feel that feeling. My MNL, God knows that’s enough.

Twice in my life, I’ve understood the preciousness of life. When my daughter was born, and when my MNL died.

LIFE AND DEATH. (Sigh.)

I know we say and think it all the time. Especially when there’s a crisis. But don’t take life for granted, or the people in it. If you love someone, tell them. Tell them why they’re here. What’s beneficial about getting flowers when you’re dead. What’s beneficial about pouring your heart to someone who has gone on. Say it now. Stop living a life where you make mountains out of mole hills. Be happy. Even with the littlest things.

Someone is praying for what you have now. You’re blessed, so be blessed.

xOXO.

💋

http://www.RedLipstickandCammies.com

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I Guess I’ll Start Here

Hey Chile! Long time no hear from I know.

So yeah, we’re home, back in Virginia. We had to take an emergency leave. I’ll tell you about that later. We flew out last Wednesday, June 6th, and we’ve been rolling ever since. I’ve been waaaay out of the loop Chile. Waaaay out of the loop. Life done got real, real quick . Like, no for real.

*Inhale*

*Exhale*

Sigh.

So, listen. For those who don’t know, I have thee (Not the, but thee.) worse motion sickness ever! Like, whhhhhhy Lord?!The pain and the agony. I just be straight up miserable. I’m trying to tell you, if you don’t get sick in a car, a boat, a plane, or a train, then you’re a blessed traveling somebody. Me on the other hand, be over there busting bullets out for sweat. My little family gone (I’m so country.) leave me right at home. I mean, come on now! I’m a Marines wife and I can’t travel! That just makes no dang since. ‘What in the ham sandwiches, black biscuits.’ I can’t go no where without… restraining from earling on my husbands lap, breaking into cold and hot sweats, ears pop, locking, and dropping, head banging like snare drum, and some mo mess. Chile! The struggle is for real, for real. Not to mention knowing what we were coming home too. I was just all types of tore up.

ICE! ICE AND A BOTTLE OF COLD WATER ARE THE TWO KEY COMPONENTS IN THIS DREADFUL ORDEAL!

When things get real spinny, I need ice. And lots of it!!

When it gets too deep, I need that bottle of water on the back of my neck. ASAP.

This mess is cray-zeee! I mean, if I can’t walk there, I’m about done for! Oh my goodness, just the thought of getting on a Yacht makes me want to lay down instantly. I’ve never thrown up (Yet.) from motion sickness. But I think a boat will send me just about over.

I realize that my motion sickness has gotten a lot worse since I’ve gotten older. What’s up with that? I’m taking my sick tail to the doctor before I get back on a plane!BELIEVE THAT! I need a volume or something! I’ve been traveling my whole life, literally. From being a military brat, to a grown woman who loved to travel, to marrying a Marine. #Him. And now my butt can’t do not a thang if it ain’t on foot. Now that, is just lame! Ugh. I can’t stand it.

My husband thought I was being a little ‘extra’ one time we were going home, coming from Vegas, which is three hours from we reside in California. (California ♥️) I yelled, “PULL THIS CAR OVER NOW SO I CAN BREATH!! Sometimes, all jokes aside, to talk is painful. Y’all think I’m lyinh. Motion sickness is a motha. Chile. I was so messed up in those mountains trying to get home. My ears were popping like pop rockets and extra butter flavored pop corn. Chile! Jesus be a fence.

How is that my two year old can do better than me, when it comes to this traveling thing? I mean, better me than her, but dang!

This was Naomi’s first plane ride, and she took it like a G! Meanwhile, this is my fiftieth time flying and I’m in the seat slumped over looking like a strung out meth addict, wit a crack addiction, with a laid bun. And I do mean laid. That Ecco gel ain’t nothing but the truth. It doesn’t matter at the end of the day though. This humidity will take you and ya hair-do down. Just one more thing that makes us want to stay on the West coast. But we’ll get to that another time.

Folks were on the plane dranking like they were in a competition with one another. Heck, maybe they were trying to relax, i don’t know. Me!!! I ain’t dranking NOTHING! I already feel intoxicated. Like that time when you had juuust a little too much, and your praying that God spares ya life just one more time, because this is your last time drinking anyways. Yeah, that’s me with motion sickness.

Like, I can’t drink nothing, nothing but some water Chile! If I’m lying I’m flying and God knows I don’t want to be flying, so. Hahaha! That’s the problem.

Hold up! HOLD UP! Wayment!!! DID I TELL YOU I LEFT MY LAP TOP AND PLANNER AT THE AIR PORT!!!???

Chile let me tell! It has been a run honey! But God is good always and still!! And after all that’s taken place in the past week and what will still take place from here on out! The heck with it all! BUT, dog on. Right? All I know is that we made it! Dog gone flight got delayed. We got to DC and hit the ground running. I left my lap top and not my kid. God is good! #NothingHappensForNothing I reckon a new lap top will be coming around the mountain soon. Until then, I’m still going to be chatting away! If there is a will, there is a way. And God always makes a way. So, I ain’t even going to trip. I even surprised myself at how I didn’t mope (Did I spell that right? Anyways.) & complain about my lap top. But when life happens, those kind of things fall down by the waste side ya know. And I have never known that more in my life until last Thursday, June 7, 2018.

So, yeah Chile. I’m a mess down bust down on a plane, and everything else. If I ain’t driving, I’M SICK! I do have a 60/40 chance in the car. Since I’ve been married I don’t really drive anymore. Seriously, Rob takes me everywhere. I’m cool with that. Heck, I enjoy it. I’ll drive to the nail shop every now and then and again. But other than that…I’m a shot gun rider. When I’m driving, I’m good. Like, good good. But I don’t drive. Idk, maybe we will switch seats. (Haha. Who am I kidding.) Robs like, “Yeah, right.” (Tee-Hee.)

SIDE BAR…

How the heck do you drink a cup of coffee and then take a nap? Wake up, drink some more coffe and go back to sleep?! (Rob.) I mean, where they do that at? How do you even do that? A cup of coffee for me is like having a margarita first thang in the morning. I drink my coffee black, (Duh.) because I ain’t in it for the taste. I need it to WAKE UP! And here he goes and drinks coffee and goes to sleep. Naomi slept good too. Here I am, making conversation with the locals (Folks sitting around me.) trying to keep from passing out while my whittle familia is sleep.

Listen, let me tell you something. When they plane was landing it was bittersweet! The take off and landing is the worse already as it is! But I was glad as ever to be landing!! Shoot! Talk about kissing the ground! Then folks want to stand and talk like it’s a dog on party! GET YOUR STUFF AND GET OUT! Get off the plane yo! It was on the tip of my tongue! Chile, I sprinted off that plane! I sure did. I didn’t look back once.

But just when I thought that was bad…

‘Ma, I’m coming home….’

xOxO.

💋

THIS IS AMERICA

Hey Chile!!!!

I said, ‘Yes!’ three years ago. WOW! I sometimes can’t believe I am actually married. Like, whoa. Chile, if you would have told me a year before I got married that I would be getting married. I would have probably cursed you out for being funny! No, like for real. I ain’t never played about Rob! For those who know, (HAHA!! I LEGT JUST BURST OUT LAUGHNG.) Chile, we were a mess honey. Some of ya’ll probably think I’m talking about fighting. Haha. We’ll just go and assume, that’s the new trend these days it seems like, so.

Anyways, I did not have a wedding. Umm…I would love to have a wedding honestly. It would be absolutely beautiful, fun, and filled with a whole lotta love. I can picture it now. But, in all truth, if I never have one, I won’t be disappointed. I’m happy. *Snickers* I’m happy and married, that seems hard these days. So, yeah. I focus on that part. The most important part, the actually marriage. I tune out all the…all the…this, that, and the third about marriage these days. If you allow yourself to get caught up in what other folks think, or what people are doing in their marriage, you’d be real quick to get caught up mentally. THE DEVIL DONE CAUGHT ME SLIPPING TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE. I’m AMORED NOW! What’s good? I can’t and refuse to get or be caught up in other people’s perspectives of what they think something is or ain’t. That’s how ya get caught up. Remember what I said about, marching to the beat of your own drum the other day?

So, yeah, we didn’t have a live and lavish wedding. But what we did have was each other, two witnesses (My parents.) and oh yeah, Naomi, I was with child and good ole Jesus! We got married in Columbus, Ohio on a Monday in May. ONE OF THEE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE! My phone was booming and bucking with texts and calls. And my mail was lit for about a month! I married my best friend! I was happy. I am happy. So, even though I think about the, what ifs of our matrimony, I know everything happened the way it was suppose to happen. Our crazy, funny, love story.

I used to hate, yeah hate, when I couldn’t always do what other people do. Ya know. I wanted to have a wedding, with bride’s maids, with dozens and dozens of flowers. But, I was pregnant and just moved from Virginia to Cleveland. I was on a mission to find a job and get enrolled in someone’s school. And then my period did not come on. Real life set in. And all my wants changed into priorities. I started stacking money instead of spending it.

Chile, you talking about things moving fast! I had sex, blinked one eye, and was pregnant. Dang, I had just moved Cleveland! I didn’t even know the street name yet. But yet, here I am pregnant and scared. (I can see me now in the bathroom.) HaHa! I’m silly. I trip my own self up. I was in disbelief, happy, scared. I was everything. But you know what, this is the truth (My truth.) and real. When I found out what was pregnant, I was like oooh, miiiiii, God, help me. I ain’t never been pregnant before Chile! What am I suppose to do? Rob and me had just moved in together, that means, getting to know each other in a new way. And I’m knocked up like no other. But I always had solace in the fact knowing that this little human inside of me would have a heck of a father. Someone who would lead, teach, provide, etc. That made me feel good, safe. CAUSE FOR THOSE WHO AIN’T CAUGHT ON YET. IT TAKES MORE THAN MONEY TO RAISE A CHILD! I CAN’T STAND SOMEONE WHO SAY’S “I can’t wait until my baby is 18.” THEN WHAT? YOU AIN’T NO PARENT NO MO? Chile, go get you some sense. yeah, I said it.

So, yeah, back to what I was saying. Chile, you know how I do. Stay telling stories in a story.

We didn’t have a wedding, and what would stop me from having a wedding now?

Money!!

The only way I would have a wedding is if we hit the lottery. Straight up!

If my parents told me now that they would pay for my wedding, I’d tell them, “Heck no you ain’t. But I got something you can pay for!”

Pay that BMW off!! Real talk.

Let’s get this degree popping and all these extra certifications. (With no Sally Mae. I ain’t fooling with no loans. I ain’t got them at 28. I ain’t about to start now!)

Now, I can’t tell ya’ll all my business, and what not.

I got plans.

I got goals.

And marrying my best friend was one of them. But now that I think about it. I didn’t say nothing about a wedding to Jesus in all the praying I did for him, me, and us. I just skipped all over that part. (ONLY FEW WILL UNDERSTAND THIS.) We’ll you get what ya ask for. And that’s why my tail got married in a court house. But my ring LIT though.

Real talk, those things are amazing. And like I said, if I could afford a wedding. The wedding of my dreams, Chile, I would be planning it now. But as long as I got that car note, I ain’t planning nothing but birthday parties around here!! (HaHaHa!)

My Pinterest board is lit!! With wedding ideas though! A girl can dream right? I reckon I got the hardest part out the way by having the groom already.

Some probably would assume that Naomi would be the flower girl right? Naw, that lady is going to be maid of honor! (I think that’s wright. Chile I don’t know.)

My ace boon coon, best friend she is!

Could you guess, if you know me, know me, what color my wedding would be? Don’t answer that Chile. I don’t even know what color I would want my wedding. I can think of two definite colors though. For sure.

Okay, so in other news.

I want to talk about DRUGS.

Yeah, drugs.

And no, I am not talking about marijuana.

I’m talking about heroin, meth, molly, and PCP.

People have been getting high and overdosing since the beginning of times. We’ll let me make myself clear. BLACK PEOPLE have been getting high, overdosing, and needing help for decades. Shoot, centuries. But as soon as these precious white kids started getting high and over dosing, now America needs to do something.

THIS IS AMERICA….

Just let that settle in real quick. (Just think about this. I’m going to write a whole blog about this here. )

Moving on….

Creativity.

I have had a few people ask me what made me want to blog so much. Well. I wanted to blog years ago. Like, eight, nine years ago. I was clueless on what to do. How to start. What to say. Back then when I first heard about blogging and became interested in it, I would have never thought I would actually have a successful blog one day. #WOW. But yeah, one reason I like, (Scratch that.) love to blog, is because this is where I can be me. This is my house. This is my place. I am who I am here. I am who I want to be here. This is my creativity. There is no right or wrong here. It is mines. When I first created my blog, i was so happy and hype! But I was also very frustrated. Things weren’t panning out how I thought they would . Lets just say that more people I don’t know support me more than folks I do know. But that’s neither here no there. I would read other bloggers, and I’d try and be like them. I didn’t have my own rhythm. I was just lost in the sauce, looking for a guiding light.

Then I realized that boxing myself in to fit in was the only thing keeping me stagnate. I wanted to write and talk about things that people wanted to hear. OH FO GET THAT!! Just so I can have thousands and thousands of followers. PA-LEASE!!! I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL. FO GET THE FOLLWERS CHILE. I FOLLOW JESUS AND THAT’S ALL I KNOW. THAT’S ALL I NEED TO KNOW. Let’s just say, I got bored real easy not being me. Trying to sound a certain way when I wrote. Chile, I don’t even talk like that. Plus, it ain’t like I’m writing a ten-page paper for my college professor. I write (Talk) how I talk. My supporters that know me personally, I am positive when they read my blogs they just laugh because they can hear me. Hahaha! Me and my family will wear the word Chile out too. My blog is me! That’s one of the reason why I love to blog. This is one place I am me. I read other peoples blogs now for pure enjoyment. No more reading other people’s blogs to see how they do it.

Listen hun bun. There will be millions of people doing or trying to do what you’re doing too. But all that doesn’t matter though. You have to confidence in knowing, ‘Can’t nobody do it like me though.’ Straight up!! Stop doubting yourself. And this is coming from someone who is just getting started. I am no where near where I want to be with my goals. But I’ve started. And my website is definitely one of the layers to my foundation. So yeah Chile, do you. Be you. Don’t feel uncomfortable applying pressure to yourself. When things in life become a wreck. I know deep down in the depth of my soul that God is about to show up and show out. And the devil is only trying to take me out before I receive my blessingS. Only a few will understand this.

When I first shared with my Husbae about me wanting to blog, no like, seriously he wasn’t at all surprised. However, he was surprised when I was about to cop out a few weeks before actually doing it.

ME: I DON’T KNOW. I MEAN, EVERYONE IS BLOGGING I FEEL LIKE.

HIM: AND? WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU?

#Him (Inserts heat emoji here.)

So yeah, take that and make that your motivation for the day, the week, the month, or even the year.

“AND? WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU?”

That’s a real question

“Give up OR get up.”

What is something that is no big deal to you, but you could not live without? For me, it’s a tooth/flosser. You know the things that you can floss and pick ya teeth with. Omg, I have it bad with flossing.

I’m so random right? I know. (HAHA! I play too much.)

I be typing my tail off with these nails too Chile. I don’t think that I could even type without nails. I need to do a cut them down though. A real cut down eventually. They don’t phase me, but still. My nails grow sooo fast. I think that’s why I don’t want to cut them though, because they’re mines. I guess it would be like cutting your hair. Ya know?

I need to start watching more YouTube videos on makeup and natural hair tutorials too. I buy all this makeup and don’t even know what to do with some of it. It’s crazy. I went from wearing make up every day, to wearing a full face of makeup to special occasions. I mean, I do natural beats these days. still cute though. I’m Just Saying

Okay, so in REAL NEWS.

I’ve had a couple of folk ask me why do I get up so early? Mm…I don’t know how to take that. I mean, what you mean?

Anyways.

So, for those who do not know, I get up every morning at 6 o’clcok. Sometimes I be slipping though, and I end up getting out the bed at 7 o’clock. It all depends on the night before. But most mornings I do good, including the weekends. For real, for real, I prefer getting up super early on the weekends. I can go run by myself. Saturdays and Sundays are the morning where I feel like I can extra get it in. All I need is about 45 minutes tops. My Husbae is in the bed sleep still and so is Naomi. I give Rob the heads up and I be out.

So yeah, I get up every morning no later than 7 o’clock. Like I have to be in a legit mood to lay around. That’s what bed time is for.

In all truth, I like to keep myself in a routine in the morning. Even if it’s a morning that I don’t walk. I go ahead and do my Pinterest workout.

Side Bar: I’m drinking hot green tea right now and lemon. It’s really good for you. I feel refreshed.

Like I was saying, I like to keep myself in a routine. Even if it’s not the same thing, it’s something. I like to keep busy. And that I am. (It’s funny when people assume what you have going on right? Ha. (You have no idea.) I mean, who said you had to share anyways? Ya know. I think because social media is so dominant these days and ya know that’s where everyone is. That’s cool. Cause I’m there too. That’s how people get to know my blog. But other than that, I like to keep things on the low, low. Ya know, the hush, hush. Some people share everything. Hey! To each its own. But me, not so much.

The ideal mind is the devil’s work shop. So, it’s very important, I’d like to think, to keep ya mind busy. Busy on the things that make you smile, laugh, giggle, shiver whatever. And I do mean shiver in a good way. Keep ya mind focused on those things. Whether it be a person, place, or thing. The devil is busy. And when the devil wants to break you down, he breaks you down in your mind first. You know the devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And the easiest way for him to break you down is to get into your mind.

Listen, and if I’m lying! I’m flying. I honey, I ain’t flying. If I was flying I would fly my tail back to Virginia real quick to get this hair did.

But anyway….

When I get to thinking about a situation in my life, whether it be current, the past, or worries about the future. I get to rebuking the devil. Yes, I do. Some of ya’ll may be like, “Huh?” “What?” Yes, I rebuke the devil.

I ain’t got time to be mad, sad, or tripping on something the devil tried to implant in my mind. Because I sure didn’t choose to think about it. You know how you wake up some mornings, and it’s ‘one of those days.’One of those days. I mean, at the end of the day, what does that mean? One of them days. You mean the days when nothing is wrong, but everything is wrong? Chile, we be tripping. We do. We done woke up, on our own, can put one leg in front of the other, and we still wake up with the thought of, “Ugh.”

Now listen, I ain’t even try to say that I don’t have these mornings. The devil be trying it! But I made a choice! I made an adamant choice to not allow my thoughts, (PAUSE) the devils thoughts dictate my day and how I feel.

Chile, I get busy real quick. I get my Jesus Calling book out. Oh my gosh. I love that book. It is a reminder!!

GP ARE YOU WITH ME? OH YEAH….!!!!!

Chile, I get that play list out and get to it.

I done even Googled Tamela Mann’s phone number. I was gonna try and call her up and ask her to take me to the King Chile.

I don’t like being in a uneasy, unwanting place in my mind.

I woke up last night at 2 o’clock in the morning. I got to thinking about nonsense. Stuff that I hadn’t even thought about before.

Guess what?

I started praying. Not nothing deep. Just talking to God Chile.

I just said something to the effects of, “Thank you Jesus for today. It was a good day. Thank you for Your grace and mercy. Thank you Father for allowing me and my family to have a fun day out with one another and getting us home safe…..” And then I woke up, and it was 6 o’clock.

Bam!

Time to get up.

Funny how all of a sudden, I went to sleep like it was nothing when I started praying. The devil be trying it Chile. He be trying it! Don’t get caught up in that!!

Don’t allow your mind to be the devils victim.

Stop choosing what type of crazy is crazy in ya life. GOD IS NOT THE AUTHOR OF CONFUSION. YOU BETTER HUSH THE DEVIL.

You ever listen to someone talk about focusing on them. And doing this. And doing that. They on their high of motivation. But they hang with stagnate folk. Loving up on dry tail folk. Go right on ahead and keep messing with folk who will only give you a pint of love when you want a gallon. STOP entertain the things that give them the least peace, and then blame it on the devil. NOW. I AIN’T DEFENDING THE DEVIL. I’m just trying to tell you to take accountability of your situations.

I believe that horrible things happen in this life we live. But I am also aware that a lot of the troubles I had, were ones I created, and blamed other people for. Can we say, ACCOUNTABILTY. (Say it in my singing voice.)

Is that you?

Shame the devil and tell the truth. Only you and Jesus have to know.

Alright…

We’ll I guess I’ll go ahead and wrap this up. I have so many other things to chit chat with you about. I went through allot of my old journals from like 2, 3 years ago. Filled with things I wanted to talk about and share before I even had a blog. Some of those journals are like 5 years old.

So, I’m super excited! And you should be too!

And remember this…

IF YOU’RE WILLING TO WORK FOR IT. DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT!!

I’m Just Saying…

xoxo.

Someone Help Me! Please?

Okay so! I’m kind of sorta new to Word Press when it comes to posting, my website etc. I have been posting a few blogs lately, and nothing. Nothing at all. No traffic, comments, likes, NADA. 😦 am I doing something wrong? Is my website not up here correctly? I’m not sure? I’ve been told that WordPress is the place to be. But honestly, I feel like it’s discouraging me more, than helping me. Can someone please tell me if I maybe doing something wrong. Or should I post more?

Have a blessed day!!! 💋

http://www.RedLipstickandCammies.com

Article 16

My Favorite Sceneries

Okay, so, I guess I’m out doorsy, but then again, I’m not. For those who know me know, that I love to walk. I love to walk around, take in the air, and stretch my legs. Ya know, feel good stuff. The jobs I’ve always had required a lot of walking. I’ve been a waitress/server half my life. I’ve also been in the medical field half my life too. Between volunteering and actually getting paid, I’ve put some miles in at the hospital. I’m a busy body. I’m not going to say, I couldn’t. But I will say, I prefer a job where I am moving around. I wouldn’t want to be sitting down all day, ya know. Like, sitting in front of a computer, something like that. I be low aggy when I blog for a certain number of hours a day.

Once again, I done ventured off. (Ha-ha.) I promise, I stay telling a thousand stories in one. But yeah, I love to walk. I like to go out and get some fresh air and take in the scenery.

(Let me just get into it, I feel like I am all over the place Chile.)

Carnivals. I absolutely love how carnivals look at night. All the lights. The ferris wheel lights are my favorite. (I love the smell of a carnival too. Funnel cake.)

Skyline. When we drove across country. We’ll let me make myself clear. When Rob drove across country. Driving up on the skylines was my favorite part.

Mountains. I love where I live now. Just off the scenery alone. The mountains look good, whether the sun is rising or setting.

The ocean. What better scenery is there than the beach right? The endless water, and how the sky and the water meet. (The sound of course is out of this world.)

Christmas lights!! I love to see lit up Christmas décor during the Christmas holiday. It gives you that feeling you know. I love how downtown looks during the Christmas holiday. That one huge tree that stands in the middle of everything.

So, yeah. Those are the sceneries that I enjoy seeing.

Some of them bring back memories from years and years ago. And some memories, not so long ago.

It’s nothing like taking in a good scenery.

Tranquility.

I’ve Been in Love Four Times in My Life.

1. The day I fell in love with Jesus. Awh man. What a relief. Life, oh life can take you down and try and keep you under. I’ve been helpless and hopeless all at the same time. Useless is how I felt. But when I know I can rely on someone to keep me sane when the devil wants me to go insane is solace to me.

As a child, my brother and me went to church. I enjoyed it. I was in the youth choir, and I was a usher. I was in plays and stuff. I remember praying as a little girl. I’ve always been a prayer, my whole life. I understood it when I was little, but I didn’t comprehend it. I just knew that prayer helped, but I didn’t know to what extent. I knew to always walk by faith, and not by sight. As a little girl I knew this. I would always pray for my family and friends. Then when I 22 years old, I walked in my church, with a heavy heart and the world on my shoulders. Ever since that day, there’s been a better part of me. By no means am I perfect. But I will live my life always trying to be better than the day before. I aim to not make the same mistakes over and over again while I say I’m sorry. I am thankful. I am grateful. And I trust God. He is the reason for the season. I am way to happy to be lucky. I’m Just Saying…

2. Myself. Chile. Talk about getting to know people. We’ll getting to know me wasn’t the easiest task either. Talk about hell and high waters. And I am still learning. Getting to know the root of me was not fun. It’s one thing to be disappointed in other people, but to be disappointed in yourself in like a train wreck. Knowing self is major key. I didn’t understand it then, not like I do now. I just wanted to be in a relationship so bad, I wanted to be married sooo bad. I felt like I would get up one time, and get knocked down ten, because everything in my life was based upon that. Having someone to love and me loving someone back was the only thing that made me feel like I could be me. But let me tell you, I love when my husband tells me he loves me, and shows it. I love when my husband tells me I’m beautiful after I wash my hair and wake up with it sticking straight up on my head because I done let it air dry. But to know that I am loved whether he loves me or not, is amazing to me. To know that I am just as beautiful, when I say it, means a lot to me. It speaks volumes. All I’m going to say is, BELIEVE ALL THE HYPE WHEN THEY SAY, YOU CAN’T LOVE ANYONE ELSE IF YOU DON’T LOVE YOU FIRST. And that, my friend, is the second person I fell in love with.

A lot of people don’t even know themselves. When they talk about themselves, they describe different people as their personal characteristics. They’re very much aware of their good traits, but not their bad traits. Take the time to get to know YOU. Get to know who YOU are in all aspects. It’s important. It’s a need. Don’t be afraid to show your scars. That way, other people will know they can heal too.

3. My husband. Aye. That black man. I fell in love at a young age, hit me right upside my head I feel like. I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know how to receive it or give it when I first felt it. It was foreign. All the times I thought I was in love and wasn’t. Don’t misconstrue, lust with love Chile, it’s a difference. It is a million and one reasons why I fell in love with this man. No, really. I could write a novel about him. ‘If I wrote a book about where we stand. The title of my book, would be, “Life with Superman.” That’s how you make me feel…’ -Beyonce’. But instead, I will just tell the truth in the simplest form. He makes me feel like number one. He makes me feel like I won the championship game when everyone else thought I would lose. He makes me feel like, ‘I wish that I could have this moment for life.’ He makes me feel like the starting line up at the pep rally during homecoming. He makes me feel like the captain of the cheerleading squad. He makes me feel like a NY Best Seller. He makes me feel, he just makes me feel. Everything that I have experienced in life, he makes it ten times better. And everything I thought I missed out on, he proved to me to be a mistake. I love him.

4. Naomi. My doll baby. Awe man. I fell in love with my daughter the day I took that pregnancy test and it said, positive. That moment right there, I was in love. I instantly felt the urge to protect. I became selfless, right at that moment. Even before I saw her whittle face. I fell in love with her. There is no love like a mother’s love. ‘Ugh. Just so amazing.’

Love is a beautiful thing. Love doesn’t hurt people, people hurt people. You gotta understand the difference. Heck, I had too. God is love. We rely on people too much, too much! Folks don’t want to believe in Jesus, but will continue to believe a person who is full of lies, AND YOU CAN SEE THE LIES, LOUD AND CLEAR. Insane. Be careful of the battles you chose. It ain’t always the devil Chile. People will lie to you and take you right to hell with them, and here you go, trotting right on to hell with them. Ain’t asking no questions or nothing. Just down for whatever and whoever and then get mad at love like love did something to you. So, when you gone check the person though? Half the time, and lets be real folk, lets be real. Half the time folks be looking for gallon love in pint size tail people. And you be knowing that they ain’t gallon worthy with they pint size self. But you go right on ahead and love up on that pint size love while you giving up gallons of love. But if you stopped and looked, and took time to fall in love with yourself, you would know that you ain’t gots (No Typo.) to pour into anyone for them to pour into you. READ THAT AGAIN. Be who you want to be with. Slow down, read that again to understand it. BE, WHO, YOU would want to be with. Shoot. Some women out here, men too, looking for a perfect person, but they all jacked up. Self-awareness. One time, I had the nerve to want Rob to be a certain type of way, when I was bat (You know what) crazy. If he treated me, the way I treated him, I would have never married him. And that ain’t right. If I didn’t wat to be treated like that, then what okayed it for me to act like a zoo monkey? See, ya gots to check yaself I’m glad I did. Cause I bout almost lost my blessing! Ask yaself could you marry you, for real. Could you be your best friend for real.

I’m Just Saying….

Josh & Cameron

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:1-2.

‘Stay in your room Cameron. I’m going to get you out!’ -Dad

*******************************************************************************************

Cameron stood on her tippy toes trying to get the pink box from the top shelf of her bedroom closet. Cameron was trying to be super quiet. She was not in the mood to argue with her father, again tonight. It was a little pass 1 o’clock in the morning and Cameron was waiting for Josh, her new boy toy, to come over and spend the night. Josh was a new cutie that Cameron had been seeing just about over a month now.

And he had Cameron’s nose wide open. Josh couldn’t front though. He like Cameron too. Just not as much as Cameron liked him though. Josh had a few chicks from time to time. But Josh was all about his money. He had been a corner boy for the last 7 years, and he didn’t have time to be stunting hussies. He was trying to move up in the game, and he had no time to be getting caught up. His grandmother was getting older and he had brothers and sisters to look after. Josh never had any plans on taking any female serious, but he always wanted to be taken seriously.

Cameron met Josh on Tinder. A cut buddy app Cameron used frequently to get attention from guys of all genres. Cameron had never been with a white boy before. And as soon as Josh started tripping, that’s exactly what Cameron planned to do. Hit her up a white boy. Cameron didn’t let any dust settle on her lady parts.

The first time Cameron and Josh linked up, was at Cameron’s house. Josh felt like Cameron was right up his alley too. Fun sized, light skin chick, head full of curls, and hazel eyes. Cameron had a baby dolls face, but she had a mature look for her age too. It was a perfect situation for Josh, being she was enrolled in college out of state. Cameron told Josh that she was a freshman in college, but because of financial reasons, she had to move back home for a semester to attend school at the local community college down town. All lies. Being that Josh didn’t want to feel trapped. He was glad to know that Cameron could be a fun thing for a couple of months and that’s it. He got bored easy anyways. It was way too many women in the world to just settle for one. As soon as Cameron went back to school, Josh figured she wouldn’t want to talk to him after he dissed her a couple of times. Josh never spoke about it, but he hoped Cameron didn’t have high expectations for their future. And if she did, we’ll then, that was her problem.

The last time Josh came over, he claimed to not have any condoms. Cameron knew she should have never slept with Josh unprotected, but tonight she was going to make sure it didn’t happen again. Getting pregnant was not an option for her. Cameron knew her Dad would literally kill her with his bare hands if she came home pregnant at 15. Especially if he knew the child was conceived under his roof, while he slept.

Cameron reached for the pink Lola Shoetique box, and a slight grin spread across her cute, doll baby face. ‘Got it!’ Cameron celebrated in a whisper. She removed the black hair tie from around her wrist and put her jet black, curly hair in a messy bun.

Tammy, Cameron’s best friend had really come through this time!

Cameron had convinced Tammy to sneak into her brother Robs room and steal a few condoms out of his ‘stash’. Everyone knew Rob was a play boy. We’ll at least he thought he was anyways.

Rob did stay with a new chick on his shoulder though. Some people seemed to not understand how.

Rob was not the best-looking guy in the neighborhood. Heck, he wasn’t one of the best-looking guys in the city. Matter of fact, Rob may have been one of the worse! Rob was high yellow, with Dumbo ears and big bug eyes. Rob always looked like he was scared. But the things he did in bed, most men didn’t have a clue about, so. Rob had accepted a long time ago that the only thing he had working for him was, his personality and that ax between his legs. Tammy had no idea, but Cameron had slept with Rob a few times herself. She didn’t know about anyone else, but she kept the lights off. She could feel everything just fine in the dark. Cameron had made it very clear to Rob the first time they had sex to never speak about them, and their rendezvous to anyone, especially Tammy.

Cameron and Tammy had been best friends since Mrs. Follows second grade, science class. Cameron’s parents weren’t too fond of Tammy though. They thought everything about her was loud and ghetto. Little did they know, Tammy was quiet as a mouse. Cameron’s Mom would let her hang with Tammy from time to time. But Cameron knew her Mom preferred her to hang with her friends on the cheerleading squad. Cameron’s Dad always referred to Tammy as the, ‘funny looking girl.’ Cameron hated that Tammy looked like Rob. It went without saying that they had the same Daddy. Tammy always got picked on. Only by the girls though. The guys didn’t care what Tammy looked like. She had a body that women paid for, for free at 16. Tammy knew she would probably never be anyone’s wife, let alone girlfriend. But she still slept with her first, Roy every now and then to feel loved.

But to Cameron, Tammy was beautiful. Cameron had never known a soul as sweet as her best friend. Tammy lived on the other side of the ‘bridge’, so that alone said a lot about her to Cameron’s Dad. Which to Cameron was so unfair. Cameron knew that Tammy wasn’t like the rest of the hood mugilids over there were she had no choice to reside at. But to Cameron’s Dad it didn’t matter. He was never trying to hear it. So, Cameron eventually stopped trying to convince him.

Tammy didn’t have the finer things in life. But to Cameron she had it all, because she had freedom. And that’s all Cameron wanted. Cameron’s Dad was so strike, that he was almost mean and unbearable. Cameron really missed the days when they would hang out and do stuff together. But Michaels job had really changed him over the years. And it only pushed Cameron and him further apart.

Tammy’s Mom, Ms. Sherell worked day in and day out to keep a roof over Tammy and her sibling’s heads. Rob had his little hood hustle too. So, he always made sure it was food on the table.

Cameron even took extra snacks to school to share with Tammy at lunch time. Cameron would take enough so Tammy could take some home to her younger siblings too.

People would sometimes question Cameron and Tammy’s friendship. The question was always, ‘Why would a girl like Cameron hang with a girl like Tammy?’ Cameron paid her peers no mind, she loved Tammy. It was no secret that the two girls were best friends. It wasn’t anything Cameron wouldn’t do for Tammy. That went both ways.

Lately, Cameron spent her days lying to her parents. Especially her Dad, Michael. It seemed like Cameron lied to her Dad on a regular basis. Everything was always a demand or a command coming from him. Cameron always felt like her Dad was ‘doing too much.’ And her Mom, we’ll Nicole just followed suit most of the time. Which only pissed Cameron off even more. When Cameron was at home, she was always in here room. She basically only came out to eat. And of course, her Dad had an issue with too.

Michael was a real issue for Cameron.

Rather being up all night making love to each other. Cameron would have preferred her parents to argue, cheat, something! Cameron wanted someone to leave someone, so she could move on with just her Mom. Cameron had always felt like her Dad was the culprit. And her Mom just went with it because she felt like Cameron’s Dad, always had a point. Cameron called bull crap every time her Mom would defend her Dad.

Cameron was convinced a long time ago that her Mom was dickmatized. Cameron knew her Dad looked good, she looked just like him! But dang! His attitude was stank.

Nicole was pretty, beautiful even. Cameron’s friends would sometimes joke about Mrs. Walsh looking like Nia Long from the movie Friday. Nicole never took offense to it of course.

Nicole wore her hair short just like Nia Long did, and it was jet black. Nicole had naturally long lashes that set the prettiest profound tone for her hazel eyes. Cameron knew her mom could get anything with a penis to want her, hell, anything with a vagina too. But she chose Michael Walsh instead.

Cameron looked at the clock and knew she needed to head down stairs. She had planned on sneaking Josh through the back door tonight. Her bedroom window was just too much work. Josh almost broke his neck last few times trying to see Cameron.

Cameron giggled to herself thinking, ‘men will do anything for a piece of tail’.

‘My tail.’ Cameron smacked her own butt before making her way downstairs.

After a long day of school, and a stressful night at home. Josh was all Cameron needed to make her feel good right now. And boy was she looking forward to it.

So….

‘Shhh, be quiet.’ Cameron whispered to Josh, before they started to walk up the stairs. Josh never seemed to even flinch when he had to sneak into Cameron’s parents’ house to have sex with her.

Cameron spent all night trying to keep her moaning down, so she didn’t wake up her parents. Josh and Cameron tossed and turned in between the sheets all night. If there was a position to do, Josh and Cameron did it. They even made up a few new ones.

Cameron’s body was pleased, but exhausted. In no time, both Cameron and Josh were passed out sleep.

Not quit even forty minutes later, Cameron woke up from the vibrations of her cell phone. She realized it was her alarm clock to wake Josh up, so he could get up and out of the house before her parents woke up. After, not even an hour of sleep, Josh got dressed and left Cameron’s house the same way he came.

Cameron still had two hours before she had to get ready for school. So, she decided to just lay back down until her alarm went off for her to get up and start getting ready.

Cameron laid in her bed, thinking of everything that had occurred between Josh and her the last few weeks. She was happy about her boy toy. Plus, you never know, right?

‘Okay mom!!’ Cameron yelled at her Mom from upstairs. ‘Hold on! I’m almost done.’

Cameron was trying to hurry up and apply her mascara so her Mom could take her to school. Being she had already missed the bus. Cameron could not wait to get her license as soon as she turned sixteen next year. But that just meant, there would be a new argument to have with her Dad now. Having a license and a car meant more freedom. Something Mr. FBI Agent didn’t want his daughter to have clearly.

Cameron was feeling a little sluggish this morning.

She knew her late nights were starting to catch up with her.

After a few more seconds, Cameron made a bee line down the stairs before her Mom had a chance to yell at her again.

‘About time sleepy head.’ Nicole kissed her daughter on the for head before Cameron’s feet even hit the bottom step.

‘Hey Mom.’ Cameron said, with a smile.

‘Come on, were both are already tardy.’ Nicole motioned with her arm as she started walking out the front door.

Cameron noticed how cute her Mom looked, even in her hospital scrubs.

‘Put your seat belt on young lady.’ Nicole said to Cameron before Cameron even got in the car all the way.

‘Okay Mom. Geesh.’ Cameron whined.

Cameron was silently praying that her Mom did not start with the, ‘You know how many people have died in a car accident because they were to careless to wear a seat belt’ talk. Cameron was in no mood to hear it. Being a Trauma E.R doctor made Nicole just as crazy as Michael was being a Behavioral Analysis FBI Agent, Cameron thought. Maybe if her parents were clowns in the circus, life would be easier, Cameron thought.

Cameron and her Mom chit chatted off and on the whole ride to school.

‘Listen Cameron, tomorrow I will be home late. After my shift is over I want to spend a couple of hours with a patient. Your Dad may or may not be on a case. But if he is, are you okay with being at home a couple of hours alone. I know you….’

Before Nicole could say anything else, Cameron reassured her Mom that a few hours at home alone was just fine with her.

Cameron had already planned her whole night in her mind in a matter of seconds. All Cameron heard was, home alone. The only problem was her Dad. But Cameron was sure Michael would be on a case. When was he not? Cameron thought.

Cameron pulled back her excitement back just a little bit. Not wanting her Mom to assume anything. But it was hard not to smile. This was going to be the perfect time, alone, in the house with Josh.

Nicole made it to the front of the school, just as the bell rang for class to start. ‘Do I need to come in?’ Nicole asked Cameron with a slight concern look on her face.

‘No Mom, it’s cool. I’ll just stop by the principles office and get a pass.’

Cameron and Nicole leaned in for a hug before parting ways.

‘See you later baby.’

‘See you later Mom.’ Cameron turned around and waved.

School….

Cameron knew she had to execute her plan meticulously, in order to get away with it. Cameron was way to hype to share the news with her girl Tammy.

Tammy found Cameron and her a round table in the corner by the Exit, where some students went outside and ate on the lawn.

‘What is going on girl You much got some river deep tea? I got your text!’ Tammy leaned in closer to Cameron, so she could get the full effect of this story. Tammy knew it had to be something kinky or exciting coming from Cameron.

Before Cameron started her tell all, she handed Tammy a few Butterfingers, three Snicker bars, and a pack of yellow M&M’s.

Tammy smiled. ‘Thanks girl! So, what’s up though?’

‘Okay, okay!’ Cameron knew she was stalling for no reason.

Cameron leaned in a little closer to Tammy.

‘My parents will be gone tomorrow night. And I want Josh to slide through, if you know what I mean. Cameron licked her lips seductively.

Tammy burst out laughing. Her girl was simple, and she knew it.

‘Sooo what do you have planned exactly? Tammy asked, while stuffing French fries in her mouth.

‘I don’t know for sure yet. I have to make sure my Dad has a case first.’ Cameron said.

‘That shouldn’t be hard.’ Tammy replied.

‘I know right.’

The girls chatted all lunch about Josh and Roy.

When the bell rung, Tammy and Cameron went their separate ways heading to class. They knew to meet up at the band room when school let out, as usual.

Once Cameron got off the school bus, she checked the mail before going in the house.

‘Can you pay my bills. Can you pay my telephone bills. Can you pay my automo- bills.’

Cameron sung to herself while she grabbed the envelopes out the mail box with both her parents names on majority of them.

Josh and Cameron had been texting all evening, while she worked on her history project. Midterms were coming up, and Cameron wanted to keep all A’s on her report card. As much as Cameron hated school, she cared about her education. Plus, her education was what allowed the little freedom she did get. Cameron’s parents couldn’t deny how proud they were at how well their daughter was doing in school. But that still didn’t make Michael loosen the tight leash he had on Cameron though.

New Day….

Cameron woke up tired, but excited. Today was the day she was going to get her grove on for real.

Just like she thought, her Dad had left in the wee hours of the night on a kidnapping case. He came into her bedroom about 3 o’clock this morning to give her a kiss and say bye. Cameron was shocked at her Dads affection but was also happy about it.

Everything was looking up for Cameron, and now that her Dad was going to be out the house, she planned on skipping school today. Ya know, to plan for her eventful event.

Cameron went to her closet to get the pink Lola Shoetique shoe box.

She grabbed the box and pulled it down from the top shelf and set on her closet floor.

Cameron pulled out a sexy, soft pink, lace bra and panty set she had ordered online a couple of weeks ago from Vicky Secrets. Cameron got it sent to Tammy’s address, just in case, ya know her parents wanted to be a little nosey.

Cameron thought to herself, ‘what better time than to wear this get up than tonight.’

Prep time…

Cameron knew that Josh was more experienced in the bed than she was. But tonight, Cameron wanted to show Josh she wasn’t too far behind him.

After getting out the shower, Cameron set on her bed wrapped in her towel with a cucumber peel off mask on her face. She decided last minute to just do a wash and go with her natural hair. Thank God for the hair gods. Cameron’s curls were soft, bouncy, and her hair smelled so good.

Cameron wanted Josh to like all parts of her tonight.

It was almost 6 o’clock, and Cameron knew that Josh would be at her house in a few. She wanted to call her parents, before she tuned everyone and everything out.

Cameron briefly spoke to her Mom, but her Dad didn’t answer. She was sure he was occupied with whatever he had going on with his job. So, she just left him a short message and proceeded on with what she had going on.

Everything was copasetic, and Josh was minutes down the street.

It was a little pass 6 o’clock when Cameron let Josh in through the front door.

This was her house tonight.

Josh was looking mighty scrumptious with his all black Champion pullover sweater, black Levi jeans, and all black Timberland boots on. Josh was in dressed in all black from head to toe, and Cameron was all the way turned on.

Josh stood about 6’1 on any other day, but today, those boots gave him some extra height. His line up was sharp and the gold chain around his neck was just another amenity that made Cameron’s lady smile.

Cameron stood on her tippy toes and leaned in for a kiss.

Josh didn’t hesitate to receive Cameron’s tongue when she gave it to him.

Josh was ready to get right into it. But Cameron insisted that they eat first and then be each other’s dessert.

Josh was down with that. He even enjoyed the Chinese takeout Cameron ordered prior to his arrival.

But now Josh was ready to take Cameron up on her dessert offer. Plus, he wanted to see what Cameron had on under that black silk bathrobe she had been wearing since he got to her house.

‘Let’s go upstairs.’ Josh said before biting down on his bottom lip.

Cameron didn’t say a word. She got up from the dining room table and led the way upstairs.

Josh was slightly confused when Cameron walked them pass her bedroom. But he said nothing. He just went with. He didn’t care what room they did it in.

Josh and Cameron entered what Josh knew was Cameron’s parent’s bedroom. He knew it was going to be a good night, but dang. He was already picturing all the ways he was going to have Cameron saying his name sprawled out on this California king size bed. Josh was already ready, just thinking about it.

Cameron turned around and started kissing Josh seductively.

Cameron could feel Josh’s hands all over her body. And just like she had been waiting for. Josh untied her bathrobe.

The robe fell to Cameron’s ankles, right before Josh picked Cameron up to lay her on top of her parent’s bed.

Cameron planned on giving Josh a run for his money tonight. She was going to take her time with him.

Too bad….

Cameron was straddling Josh face when Michaels Uber pulled in front of his house.

‘You have a good night Sir.’ The young boy said to Michael as he got out the vehicle.

Michael was glad to be home a day earlier than he had planned to be. Especially after he heard Cameron’s voicemail.The kidnapping was a well-deserved celebrated success. After Michael had witnessed what he had witnessed in the last 24 hours, he wanted to have a one on one talk with his daughter. He felt like it was time to stop tip toeing around their relationship and get that Daddy’s Little Girl relationship they use to have back. Michael felt like it was his responsibility as parent to take the first step.

Michael knew Nicole would be home late. So, it was the perfect timing.

Michael assumed Cameron had already ate. But he planned on ordering Chinese anyways.

The house looked rather dark from the outside. Michael figured Cameron was in her room, as usual.

As soon as Michael stepped into the foyer of his house, he knew something wasn’t right. It’s like he could feel it in the air. Michael touched the gun on his waist and back, for confirmation. He walked towards the kitchen.

Michael looked over at the dining room table and saw two empty plates, and empty boxes of Chinese food.

Confused, Michael took his gun out his holster, and just held it at his side while he looked around the first floor of his house. Cameron said nothing about company being over on the voicemail she left him earlier.

All kinds of thoughts ran through Michael’s head.

Despite the disagreements that his daughter and him may have. Michael would never think his daughter would be at home having sex in their house.

Michael’s nostrils flared at the thought of his wife cheating on him. He knew he spent a lot of time away from home. Michael remained rational while he crept through his house.

Michael knew his instincts weren’t playing with him when he heard unpleasant sounds coming from the master bedroom before he even made it to the top of the steps.

Michael felt like he was going to vomit the closer he got to his bedroom door. He knew the love sounds he heard weren’t coming from his wife.

Michael walked in his room, sick to his stomach and fueled with immense rage. He saw his only daughter, his baby girl butt naked as the day she was born grinding on some anonymous persons face, close to her climax.

Cameron was so far into ecstasy, she rode Josh’s face with her eyes closed. Josh being smothered in Cameron, neither one of them were aware of Michaels arrival.

Michael reached over the bed and grabbed Cameron by her hair. Cameron screamed and kicked, until she came to understand what exactly had just happen. Bawled up against the wall, Cameron set silently, while tears streamed down her face, while she watched her Dad and Josh stand toe to toe.

Michael man handled Josh all the way out the front door, literally. It was not a pretty sight at all.

Cameron was so scared she had peed on herself. Too afraid to move, Cameron just set there on her parents bedroom floor. She didn’t know what to do or say next. Cameron just tried to cover her naked body best she could. To say that she was embarrassed, was an understatement.

Cameron could hear her Dad coming back upstairs.

Michael walked in the room and saw Cameron still on the floor bawled up naked against the wall.

‘Here, cover yourself up.’ Michael tossed a throw blanket at Cameron so aggressively. If it was a baseball, Cameron knew she would have no face.

‘How old is that boy Cameron.’ Michael was yelling now.

‘How old is he I asked you girl. And you bet not lie to me either, because you know I will find out!’ Michael looked dead in Cameron’s eye’s.

Cameron knew better than to look away.

Cameron inhaled, as tears strolled down her face.

‘I think he’s 22.’

‘You think? Or you know? Michael was still yelling.

‘ANSWER ME!’

Cameron jumped. ‘He’s 22. ‘

‘Cameron, go to your room. I can’t even look at you. And when your Mother gets home, you will tell her what you did tonight.’

Michael just turned and walked out the room. He didn’t want his daughter to see him cry. Michael was so disappointed in her daughter’s actions. And deep down he felt like it was his fault.

Cameron had cried so much the night before, that she woke up with a headache. Her eyes were swollen, and she wished today was Saturday already.

Cameron planned on telling Tammy at school what happened, and that she no longer had her phone either. Her Dad took it last night. Along with her Mack Book, iPad, and iPod. Cameron had no means of communication with the outside world once she got home. That meant she could not talk to Josh at all either. It wasn’t like she would see him at school.

Cameron was so unhappy. She felt alone too. When it came to her parents she felt like a failure. Cameron’s freedom was already scarce. Now that she was on punishment Cameron felt like her life was over.

Cameron told Tammy she could have her French fries while they were at lunch. Cameron didn’t feel too well. After everything that had happened, she just didn’t have much of an appetite. The smell of smell even made her want to gag.

‘Eww.’

Tammy felt sorry for her girl. She wasn’t about to say it. But she didn’t know why Cameron took such as big risk in the first place. Tammy had never seen Cameron like a guy this way. Cameron was the type to get want she wanted and then peel wheels.

‘So, you haven’t talked to Josh since your Dad kicked him out the house?’

‘Nope’ Cameron dryly replied.

‘I just want to see if he is okay.’ Cameron said, almost in tears.

‘Why wouldn’t he be okay? Your Dad press charges or something?’ Tammy asked her best friend.

Cameron just looked at Tammy, completely oblivious to what her girl was saying.

‘Cameron, please tell me you told Josh how old you really are.’

Tammy knew the answer to her question without Cameron even responding.

‘Cameron.’ Tammy just looked at her.

Josh had been trying to call Cameron all day. Her phone kept going straight to voice mail though. He knew that had something to do with her Dad.

Josh didn’t know what he was going to do. But he knew that something had to be done. Josh knew he couldn’t be on the register sex offenders list, if that’s what Cameron’s Dad was planning on doing. Josh wasn’t going out like that.

Home….

Cameron really owed Tammy this time.

Tammy gave Cameron her Straight Talk phone, so she could communicate with Josh and herself. After convincing Cameron that she didn’t need her phone. Cameron gave in and took it. Tammy told Cameron to call her house phone if she needed anything. And she planned on telling Roy the same thing. Even though Tammy knew Roy wasn’t going to call anyways.

Cameron was thankful for her girl. She had been so anxious to talk to Josh. Now that it was time too, she didn’t know exactly what to do. After calling the wrong number three times, Cameron finally got in contact with Josh.

‘Hello’ Josh answered the phone in a low key hostile voice.

‘Hey.’ Cameron was not expecting to hear Josh’s voice.

‘Hello!’ Josh yelled into the phone annoyed.

‘It’s me Cameron.’

Josh wanted to curse Cameron out as soon as he heard her dumb voice. But he decided to play it cool.

‘Oh, what’s up baby.’ Josh spoke into the phone.

‘Hey.’ Cameron said nervously.

It was silence on the phone for a few seconds before Josh asked Cameron was she okay. Not that he really cared.

‘Yes. I’m okay. Are you okay?’ Cameron asked Josh. Full of concern.

‘It ain’t nun. I’m cool. I’m cool.’ Josh said, nonchalantly.

‘So, what’s up with you.? Josh decided not to bring up Cameron’s age. But being that she hadn’t, only made him more pissed.

‘We’ll, I mean, I’m on punishment. So, I don’t know when I will see you again. Josh could hear the sadness in Cameron’s voice. He wasn’t phased.

‘I mean, I can still com through late night ya know.’ Josh’s whole goal was to get in Cameron’s house. This time, for the first time, he wouldn’t go empty handed either. He planned on dealing with Michael. By any means possible.

‘I wish. But my Dad put a code lock on the front and back door.’

Dang, that’s a bit extreme ain’t it? Josh asked, low key laughing.

‘Naw. My Dad nailing my bedroom window shut is what’s extreme.’ Cameron said, embarrassed.

They both laughed.

Josh and Cameron chatted for a for more minutes, until Cameron had to get off the phone.

Cameron turned off her lamp, and quickly jumped in bed. Just in case her Mom or Dad decided to walk in her room uninvited, she could play possum. She didn’t want to talk. Cameron could barely look at her parents, and they could barely look at her.

Cameron put Tammy’s Straight Talk for on silent, just in case.

Cameron felt better now that she had talked to Josh. She was glad he didn’t bring up her age, and that he wasn’t mad at her.

Now, she just had to find a way to possibly see Josh sometime soon.

But it would take some serious sneaking this time, because she was locked in her house.

The weekend…

The weekend was dreadful.

Cameron spent most of her time studying for her midterms in her room. She really wished Christmas break wasn’t around the corner. Cameron was not looking forward to being stuck in the house with her parents, during the Christmas holiday.

Plus, it wasn’t like the Walsh family was in perfect spirits.

Nicole didn’t even put the Christmas tree up yet. That was something Cameron and her Mom did together.

Josh and Cameron had been texting throughout the day, which made Cameron happy.

He was trying to convince Cameron to come to the laundry room window to talk to him later on tonight.

Cameron was hesitate. Josh may not have been scared of Michael, but Cameron was.

But on the other hand, Cameron really wanted to see Josh. Even if it was only for a few seconds.

Cameron didn’t know what to do.

After an hour of not replying back to Josh. Cameron finally texted him, ‘Okay.’

The butterflies in the pit of Cameron’s stomach were already fully at work. Cameron knew what Josh was coming to do. But she didn’t know If she could. If one thing went wrong, and Michael caught Josh there. Cameron didn’t even want to think of what else could happen.

Either way it was too late. Cameron had already given Josh the green light.

Cameron couldn’t even think straight.

After dinner, Cameron went back to her room. So, she didn’t know exactly what her parents were doing downstairs. It was Saturday though, so she knew her parents would be up late for sure.

When Cameron’s parents went to bed, she would go downstairs and unlock the laundry room window.

4 hours later….

Cameron’s parents had finally gone to bed. She wasn’t sure if it was her Mom or Dad, but someone had opened her door and stood there for a few seconds before going into their room. Cameron, we’ll she faked sleep until her door was closed all the way.

Cameron rolled her eyes. It was one thing if her Dad didn’t talk to her. But her Mom. Cameron knew she had made a mistake. But she did expect her Mom to be a little more understanding. Instead, Nicole said nothing. It was sad, because Cameron would have even preferred her Mom to yell at her, rather than to not say nothing at all. It had almost been a week, and her Mom did not say a word to her. ‘What parent does that?’ Cameron thought.

1 hour later….

Cameron had dozed off by accident. As soon as she woke up, Cameron grabbed her phone. She was shocked to see that Josh hadn’t even texted her. It had been two hours since she had talked to him.

Cameron kept calling Josh’s phone. But it just kept saying that the number was no longer in service. Cameron was confused.

When the thought of Josh possibly standing her up for another girl, Cameron instantly got mad.

‘Where is here? What is he doing?’ Cameron thought out loud.

After a few minutes of just laying there, Cameron decided to get up and go downstairs. The house was quiet, and she knew her parents had to be knocked out sleep by now. It was a little after two in the morning.

Before Cameron walked downstairs, she called Josh’s phone one more time. Same thing.

As soon as Cameron was about to grab her bathrobe to head downstairs. She heard her Mom or Dad pit patting in the hall way.

‘Ugh, go to bed.’ Cameron rolled her eyes at the door and set back down.

Cameron called Josh two more times.

Cameron didn’t know how long it was before she started to smell smoke coming from the hallway.

‘Is that gas I smell?’ Cameron thought.

Cameron turned towards her door and saw so much smoke.

Freaking out, Cameron yelled for her Mom and Dad. Just like clockwork, Cameron heard her Dad calling her name.’

‘Cameron!’

‘Dad! What’s going on?’ Cameron started to panic. She knew whatever was going on wasn’t normal.

‘Listen baby, I want you to stay in your room. Michael said through coughs. It’s a fire right outside your door. Stay calm, I’m going to get you out.’

Cameron could hear her Mom screaming her name.

Cameron started to cry hysterically through coughs.

She turned to her bedroom window and tried to lift the window up, even though she knew she really couldn’t.

Cameron called for her Dad repeatedly, but she got no answer.

Cameron quickly realized that she was trapped in her bedroom and started to panic!

Suddenly, Cameron could hear lots of sirens and horns outside her house. Relieved, Cameron tried to find a way to help. She looked around her room and grabbed her vanity stool to try and break window. The window didn’t budge.

Cameron closed her eyes.

She told herself if she could just hold up a few more minutes until the fire men came in and rescued her she would be just fine.

In the distance, Cameron could hear both of her parents yelling her name.

To weak to yell, or get up to look out the window, Cameron just set there, trying to breath.

And then…

BOOM!

Michael and Nicole had watched their home blow up in flames with their daughter in it, right in front of their eyes.

Nicole knees gave out, and she hit the pavement.

Michael to caught up in his own sinking hole didn’t even see his wife on the ground.

It took six fire men to hold Michael back from running back into the burning house after his daughter.

‘Let me go!’

‘Let me go!’

Michael sobbed hysterically.

Falling to the ground in agony. Michael looked up at his daughters’ bedroom window.

2 months later…

Nicole ended up leaving Michael. The resentment was deep. When Cameron died, Nicole felt like someone took out her stomach and filled it with asphalt. All Michael and her did after Cameron died was argue. They blamed each other every chance they got. They never once consoled one another. And once they found out Cameron was pregnant, Nicole could not look at Michael anymore. To her, Michael had killed her daughter, and Nicole felt like she was an accessory to it. She couldn’t stand herself most days. But she could not tolerate Michael anymore, and that’s why she left.

Michael ended up leaving the FBI.

Guilt consumed him. He didn’t care to solve another case in his life, when he couldn’t even protect his own daughter. Or maybe he protected her too much.

Michael knew who killed Cameron, in the attempt to kill him.

But too bad somebody else got to Josh before Michael did.

Or so, they say.

Every chain has a link. Be careful of the choices you make. RL&C.

The End.

Copyright 2018 April Jones, Author and Creator of RedLipstickandCammies.

All Rights Reserved.

DO NOT re-upload, reproduce, or share WITHOUT linking to original content.

On the 7th Day!

Hey Chile!!!

I got these nails did Chile. (Yesterday.) Who new? Even my typing is different. (Ha-ha.)

I got them toes done and almost fell asleep. It felt so good. I would have, but I didn’t want to start snoring. I don’t know anybody else, but I have a foot bucket. I do my own feet most of the time. I get a pedicure every now and then. So, when I do, I like to enjoy it and not be rushed. You know how some folks do. Slide in and slide, and slide right on out. Feet be just as rusty and crusty leaving out as they were coming in. But Sandy, my Sandy came out with them hot coals. Chile, I had to close my eyes and lay my head back for a second. That lady be hooking ya gal up. I ain’t lying. Big ups to you Sandy!!

So, this morning I was on the phone with my mom, and my anniversary came up! I hadn’t even thought about it honestly. I was looking forward to Mother’s Day! But yeah Chile. I reckon I turn Tamela Mann and Cardi B up while I work out hard these next few weeks. Ya know, just shed a few pounds for the anni.

I enjoy celebrating my anniversary! It’s a blessing. I’ve heard people say, it’s no biggie after a couple of years. Shooot!! For who?? If ya ask me, I feel like the longer the years, the bigger the celebration. Shoot, just like birthdays. I will turn up at 99 (God willing.) just the same as I would at 21. Love and life is a blessing, and as long as I am willing and able, I will celebrate. I have had enough days where I have had pity parties, accompanied or not. Any reason the celebrate and cry happy tears, is a go for me. We have enough bad days ahead to not look forward too.

We a celebration around here. So, all that, it’s no big deal stuff, ya’ll can have that. The little cute things is what it’s all about. People will celebrate the heck out of each other, until they get married. Why? (I’m not saying everyone.) When you get married, it doesn’t stop. I ain’t not expert, but it shouldn’t anyways. Shoot. I turns up for Valentine’s Day! Who already knows. Ain’t nothing like a love holiday Chile.

Life done slapped me upside my head. I don’t want to take anything or anyone for granted! Those days for me are over! I don’t want it anymore. That’s a goal every day! I ain’t perfect, but I will no longer use not being perfect as an excuse either.

I’m Just Saying…

Happy Weekend Chile!!

oXoX.