everything that i am

Hey Chile! What’s going on with you on this Sunday? I got up a little before 8 o’clock and listened to the Word. “My best is in the lead.” Regardless of what thangs may look like or how thangs may feel. Keep going. Keep pushing. God is in full control. He is. And He doesn’t need your help. So get out of your own way! And definitely get out of His.

I have been listening to quite a few sermons here lately. Mostly Bishop T.D. Jakes. (My favorite.)I feel good. My spirit even feels light. But Chile that does not mean that I don’t feel the burn of the tests that occur in the midst of my growth. Sometimes I be wanting to curse the devil slam out. But then I know I will fall right into the palm of his hands. He needs to go somewhere and go to sleep though, (Anyways.) These days I just continue to press forward in my faith, even when thangs get a little shaky. ‘I will not waiver in my faith.‘ Gods grace is promiscuous. I can feel it. The same God that did it then is the same exact God now. That’s what I will tell myself when the struggle times occur. Whew Chile. Thank God for Jesus right!

For the last few months I have had the urge to cut my nails short. But every time I would make a appointment to get a fill in, thinking I would cut my nails down I would leave out just the same. Now, for the record my nails are naturally mine. They home grown Chile. So I don’t know if my long nails are equivalent to someone debating on cutting their long hair. (That’s about the best example I can give ya Chile.) If you know me, you know how I feel about my nails. My hands. I love to see pretty hands and nails. Pretty rings. Pretty nail polish. My skin crawls when I see crampy, dirty, bit down to the nub finger nails. (Yikes!)

It may seem or sound ridiculous to some. But with this growth that I am diligently, uncomfortably going through I’m embracing every change. And yeah, my nails are one of them.

My new year is coming up in 8 days. When I was in my twenties I dreaded the thought of thirty. One reason is because I was on this absurd time line. And the closer to thirty I got, the more I felt like I was sinking in quick sand. (In other words I felt like I was failing. All my goals weren’t checked off.) I will be thirty one, and I have neva in life felt more confident, content, happy, tenacious, and sexy in my life. Most people fear getting older (I used to) especially women. But when they say with age comes wisdom. They ain’t lying. I’m certain. I’m sure. And everything that I want has a reason. I ain’t trying to keep up or compete. I ain’t tryna figure out how she did it or how she’s doing it. But how can I. I no longer feel less than after scrolling Instagram because she has side abs and I’m still working on mines. I can enjoy day dreaming about my forever home when I lay down at night without feeling like I’m running out of time.

I’m just tryna be better than I was yesterday. I’m just tryna be me.

Everything I am…

Talk soon.💋

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Think BIG

“Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life. Because you become what you believe.” -Oprah Winfrey

Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you can’t. I’m going to say that again. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean that you can’t. Read that as many times as you need to. Like I’ve heard before and I’m sure you have too. Look down the bread aisle, the cereal aisle, and the chip aisle. It’s a variety and somebody is eating at least one of them! So, if they all doing hair. You can too! If they are opening up a boutique. So can you. If they selling hair. You better sell yours too! If they writing a book. Write yours too! And so forth and so on. I don’t give a dog on how many people have a blog. I’m sho gone have mines. What someone else has, has absolutely nothing at all to do with me, mmmkay. Don’t allow someone else’s get up and grind cause you to stumble in your own walk of success. If anything let them motivate you. You are you and they are they. Don’t let people and what they have going on effect what you have or inspire to have. No one can replicate you. There will be plenty of people, matter of fact millions of people who will have the same job, career, or business as you. But the difference in that is no one is you! Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean that you can’t!


Also and always put God first! Put Him first Chile in everything you do. Pray for what you want. Don’t you eva be the one to cut your own self short. Don’t be the demise of your own success. Because nothing and I do mean nothing is to big or too hard for God. Oh yeah, don’t play victim to your failures when you’re barely putting your best foot forward and rarely being consistent. In the mist of your journey always walk by faith and not by sight. Because your vision won’t always be clear.

You must always appreciate and respect your quiet time. These are the times where you can think and gather yourself. Okay, so check this out. Anyone who knows me personally or reads my blogs consistently knows that I love me some music right? I mean I loooove music. I listen to music literally every day. My children will definitely be adults talking about that. But there are times when I need it to be quiet. Majority of the time when I’m in the car I’m riding with my family so I can’t get my groove on to the full capacity Chile. Cause let me tell ya! I goes in! The few times I’m alone is when I’m driving to the nail shop. Sometimes my oldest daughter (Naomi) goes with me to get her nails and toes done too. She really enjoys that. But then there are times when I go to the nail shop alone. I need that me time ya know. And because I finally realize how crucial and important me time is I no longer feel guilty about it. I can’t pour from a empty cup. Those times when I’m riding to the nail shop alone I blast my music as loud as I can stand it and I be sanging to the top of my lungs. I be thinking I’m Whitney Houston, Fantasia, Monica, and Faith Evans all in one. But sometimes I need peace and quiet. Just shhh. I pray. I meditate. And for the record meditating doesn’t have to be loud chanting while sitting crossed legged. Cause I personally ain’t into all that. I just need quiet to clear my mind and fuel it with thangs that will feed me. Nourish me. Not deprive me. I need to hear God. Feel Him. I just need a moment to pray out loud and be in my own natural feelings. Ya know, become one with myself. It’s so many people who are easily intimated by other peoples thoughts and opinions. I used to be! But once I got to know me and understand me, and start to love me some me. I started to lead and not follow. I don’t get detoured or distracted by other peoples thoughts and opinions. And don’t you eitha! Ya know, nay sayers, gossipers, haters, and they secretly wish they were you, people who mean you no good. I have been marching to the beat of my own drum for years now and it feels daaaaamn good!! The more I tune folks out. The more I tune into myself.

That is why it’s soooo important to surround yourself with like minded people. People who have drive and are driven by good energy and good vibes. Not people who are still complaining and whining about thangs that happened years ago and yesterday but ain’t done nothing today to make it better. Yes, we all go through thangs. And it can sometimes be hard to get a grip. But I’m here to tell ya don’t keep calling me if you ain’t tryna find a solution to the problem. I retired from throwing pity parties for people and myself awhile ago. So with that being said, surround yourself with people that you can genuinely connect with. I love to be around a person or people whose energy is so positive and refreshing that it’s infectious! It’s nothing like bouncing good vibes, sharing good energy, creativity, and successful moves with one another. I loooove it!

I know I have a high energy personality. I’m passionate. I’m loud, assertive, and I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I love people I can be my complete authentic self around. The people who genuinely enjoy who I am. Me. (Shout out to ya’ll.) The days that I entertained folk that I felt I had to dummy myself down for are long gone. I am aware that I may be too much for some people. And that is just fine. I ain’t fa everybody and everybody ain’t fa me!

(Clears throat.)

I’m Just Saying…

Okay Chile. So, I said all that to say this. Stop putting limits on yourself and your life but expecting more. Don’t be a disservice to ya self. Pray BIG. Dream BIG. (Dreams without goals are just dreams.) Think BIG. And work towards it! Faith is sooo important. However, faith without works is dead. Discipline. Consistency. Don’t allow fear, (Talking to myself right now too.) don’t allow fear to paralyze you. Because real talk, I rather try and fail than to live a life full of what ifs. One thang that I am very proud of myself about is that I don’t allow other people to plant their seeds of fear in me. I’m in my own dog on way!

Chile you better do you! I’m tryna tell ya. A lot of people fear what they don’t understand so don’t you worry about them folk. And always be stronger than your excuses.

Mmmkay! (Two snaps and a twist.)

God Bless ya Chile.

You got this and I am so rooting for you!


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I’ll see you there!

“Why Am I Not Getting Pregnant?”

The agony. The distress. The self-pity. The hoping and praying, and still nothing. I remember my go to place to cry was in the shower. I always, always play my music when I get in the shower. But during these times all I wanted was silence. I wanted everything around me to be quiet. I just would hear myself sob inconsolably. I was so ova crying to my husband. I’m sure he felt hopeless and helpless himself. Month after month it was the same ole thing. He never knew what to say. I could tell. And honestly, most of the time I didn’t want to hear it anyways. I was too caught up in frustration, doubt, and what ifs. He would just hold me. Or crack some ridiculous joke to make me laugh. He would be lucky to even get a smirk out of me.

Mentally and emotionally I was spiraling down. If I was having a good day and some peace of mind. My thoughts would always drift off to that negative pregnancy test I took a few days ago. I dreaded seeing blood every month. Each month my hopes would be so high with the thought of starting over, and every month unsuccessfully failed me. Same oh thing, just a different month! Ugh. Have you ever wanted something so bad and it just wouldn’t pan out?

Why am I not getting pregnant?

I was like really ready to get pregnant. I had already had my mind set on it when my daughter was one and half. But my husband and I settled on two years to make sure my body was fully healed from the inside out. But truthfully, if anything happened before that, so be it. I just knew I’d get pregnant right away. Right away meaning, as soon as I stopped taking my birth control. I’ve never really been the biggest fan of birth control. It always made my period go bunkers. But after having a C-section with Naomi and not wanting to get pregnant right away due to all the effects that could come from that, I was eager to take the pill to be on the safe side. I was on a low dosage being I was breast feeding and things were going pretty good. Then my husband and me had the discussion and we were definitely ready to expand our family. So, just like that I stopped taking the pill in the month of February. I definitely thought by April I would have morning sickness and achy breasts. Errr! Wrong! I was really wrong, so wrong. April came around another year later and still I was not pregnant. At this point I was starting to get worried. I made doctors appointments to see what was going on down there and everything came back negative. “Mrs. Jones there’s nothing wrong. Just give it some time and lets see what happens” I mean yeah, of course I was thankful that nothing came back positive in a bad aspect. But what the heck man, something had to be wrong! Right? I’m mean, why am I not getting pregnant?

Then it was time to move. I wasn’t necessarily trying to get pregnant at this point. But it wasn’t like I wasn’t trying either. If that makes any sense. The move from Cleveland Ohio to California was so much fun. Not to mention it cleared my mind from the whole pregnancy saga. This whole traveling experience was one for the books. And one of the best times of my life. Whatever state I wanted to visit while on the way to California my husband took me to. But it was work, and a whole new experience for everyone. But I was super ecstatic to be doing it with my husband and our daughter. It was definitely a great experience to share with them. We finally arrived in California after all the pit stops we made in other states exploring. We got somewhat settled in and guess what? BOOM! My period was late! I was low key happy. I didn’t want to jump for joy yet because it wasn’t a fact. But it was definitely a possibility. I was ready but also nervous to take a pregnancy test so I didn’t say anything to my husband. He always wanted to take them together. Which made it even harder for me when it came back negative. Going back and forth with a negative pregnancy test when you’re trying to get pregnant is a punch in the gut and a slap in the face. I wasn’t quite ready to feel incapable again. So, I decided to just wait. A couple of days passed and still no period. Each day that I marked off the calendar I felt pregnant. I even felt blah and nauseated. And what do ya know, I woke up bleeding one morning. I cried in that bathroom too. (We were temporarily staying in the on base hotel until our house was available.) Now that I’m looking back, I probably felt sick and aggy because of all the junk food I ate while traveling across the country. I mean we drove from Ohio to Virginia. From Virginia to California. Well, my husband actually drove the entire trip. But that’s another story. He claims I can’t drive, but whatever. (Rolls eyes.)

Once we moved into our home and got comfy cozy, I spoke to my husband about wanting to go see a OBGYN. We still tried of course in the mean time and in between time. But each month that I still wasn’t getting pregnant stressed me out even more. And of course, I know that stress can be a burden when you’re trying to get pregnant, but geesh! Ya girl was tripping and flipping out. I finally met my new doctor on base, Dr. Michael Miller. I absolutely love him. Now, I can’t lie. When I first heard about having a male obstetrician I really wasn’t with it. I wasn’t feeling it at all. But listen, I would take him over any female obstetrician any day of the week, okay. I spoke with him about what was going on with me and my concerns of not being able to get pregnant. I got my annual Pap smear which was due right at the time of us arriving in California. He too said, “Everything looks fine.” But before he went on to test me any further, he wanted my husband to go get checked first. Now, this is when things became a comedy movie for sure. I won’t get into the nitty gritty of all that. (LoL.) But just know my husband was absolutely fine. I was very happy about the results. But I can’t lie and say that it didn’t make me have many fears for myself. My thoughts were in over drive. I was so anxious and nervous to find out what was going on with my body. So, I was up next with my whole procedure, not as easy breezy as my husbands. Ha! I was scheduled to get a procedure done that would be able to look at literally everything down below and up there. My fallopian tubes, uterus, ovaries, etc. The procedure was so uncomfortable that my doctor wrote me a prescription for volume to take an hour before I had to spread my legs from one coast to the other. I knew I was in over my head when I had to pop a pill to be comfortable enough for something to go up me. Geesh. Chile, let me tell you something! It sounded like I was in labor up in that room. I was sounding off like a siren! I don’t know what was going on up there. I don’t know if something was blocked or clogged, but he cleared the way. I went home that day and went straight to bed. I didn’t even want food, and I always want food.

I don’t know what was worse though. The procedure or waiting on the results to come back. And thank God, the results came back negative for any and everything. I was so grateful. But also very confused. Why am I not getting pregnant?

So, Dr. Miller called my husband and myself into his office to talk to us about something that may help us conceive. I was all ears, because this was all starting to get really strange to me. I mean hell, was I having too much sex? It was all beyond me. I was so eagerwhen he set us down to chit chat. And that is when I became acquainted with Clomid, estrogen modulator. Due to my periods being so irregular. (Which have been since I’ve had a period.) My doctor wanted something that was going to regulate and keep track of my ovulation. I had to go in monthly and get blood work done to see if I was ovulating, which I was. I had to take these five pills at a certain time during the month and of course have sex. Now, this is the thing. I’m married to a marine. So, sometimes he would be in training, in the field, and all that comes with the life of a military spouse while I’m dog on ovulating. I’m trying to have sex while he’s out doing convoy training. Or wherever the heck it is you want to call it, shoot. So, some months were a mess down bust down. And that too was frustrating Chile!

Clomid- is an oral medication that can be used to stimulate ovulation. It works by blocking estrogen receptors at the hypothalamus, which is an important “hormonal control center” for the body. When this happens, the hypothalamus is stimulated to release follicle stimulating hormones (FSH), and luteinizing hormone (LH.)

Chile, I did a lot of praying in this particular time of my life. This was different for me. I’m a faithful prayer, but in this time I prayed with a lot of frustration and doubt. I was so angry! I just couldn’t understand. I would question God and His plans for my life. I felt so guilty at times because I didn’t want Naomi to be alone. The thought of not being able to give her a sibling broke me amongst other things. Then the last time my period came on, I vowed that I would trust God. I was exhausted. I was tired!! So tired! Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I threw in the towel. One morning I was listening to T.D. Jakes, which I do several times a week. And he was speaking on sacrifice. “How can you ask God for an increase with no sacrifice?” God has always given me what I’ve wanted, but it’s always come with a price. (Sacrifice.) A much worthy price though. So, what’s any different this time around. He (T.D. Jakes.) also said, “Have you done all you can do in the form that you’re in?” Ya know, it’s easy to praise God, but do you trust Him when things are in complete disarray? I knew I had to reprogram myself. I just kept saying, “What God has for me, it is for me. He knows the desires of my heart. I trust You Lord.” I was tired of being angry, sad, and doubtful on a day to day basis while still raising the one child that God has already blessed me with. I told myself I would solely rely on His word and trust His plan for my life. I’ve seen the work He has done for me in my personal life and even in others. So, why would He fail me now! I am a firm believer in God. The peace that He gives me in trying times is so satisfying and soothing. I could not imagine going through trials and tribulations hoping I’ll get lucky.

I hadn’t taken my Clomid pills in three months. I just needed a break. I told myself I would start with the new cycle of pills come February. I wanted to get through the holidays and my husbands birthday with a clear mind solely trusting God. I felt good. I wasn’t dreading each month. I wasn’t counting the days that I was ovulating. I just enjoyed time with my husband letting things be what they would be, and BOOM! February I found out I was pregnant! My husbands birthday is in January and we both received a gift! I hadn’t even started back popping my pills yet! Thank God I didn’t though, right!

Don’t get beaten by the battle. Get better because of the battle. It’s hard, it’s really hard to try and fathom things in times of difficulties. But Gods timing will always out do us. He knows what we need. When we yearn for the things we want. Trust the process. Trust Him.

I’m Just Saying…



First Trimester Blues

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Hey Chile!

Let me see. Where do I start? Whew! It has been one heck of a bumpy ride. But! God is great! I want to share with you my First Trimester Blues. Chile listen, I was sick as a junk yard dog! You hear me! Now, please don’t take this lightly or as a joke, because I ain’t even tryna be funny. But I thought I was gonna die from sickness. Between two emergency room visits, several calls to the on call nurses, late nights, sick days all day, I just was miserably happy.

See, my daughter Naomi was easy breezy when I was pregnant with her. In the mornings I would have to take it a tad bit slow due to a slight case of nausea, but that was it. I did have heartburn with her for the last 6 to 8 weeks which sucked. But I just didn’t eat things that would trigger it and I didn’t eat late at night. So, when I got pregnant the second time around I was like oh this is whatever.


I know they say, all pregnancies are different, and boy they ain’t neva lied!! Chile, I lost so much weight in my first trimester I thought I would just blow on away. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I just did the best I could with my three year old daughter. With the help of amazing friends we got by. Big ups to you Tara! I love me some you girl!! Thank you! But all I really wanted was my husband. Who just so happened to be gone in a training opt for two whole months. The hardest two months of my first trimester at that. I could cry just thinking about it. Sigh. It was absolute torture! The fact that my daughter had to see me so sick broke my heart. But we held each other down. It was days she even took care of me. Kisses on the forehead, rubs on my back, sweet things she would constantly say to me. She is everything.

My diet consisted of nothing much at all. Toast, saltine crackers, and yogurt were automatic things to go to just to feed my baby honestly. Then I went through a phase where I just ate bowls of steamed broccoli. I couldn’t eat meat at all! Which wasn’t the absolute worse. I haven’t eaten pork or beef in 4 years, so. I don’t drink soda at all except ginger ale and that back fired on me too. Yes, that’s me. For all those who are like how you do you drink that? I mean the same way you pour anything else in a glass and drink it. However, I reckon I won’t be drinking soda of any kid now. I’m done with ginger ale. That made me sick too! Oh yeah, I’m neva eva eating spaghetti again in life! The thought of it makes me want to gag. Yuck!! That’s the first time I got sick. Right after having spaghetti for dinner. Ewww. Oh, and popsicles!! Popsicles were my jam. But that is pregnant or not. I would get two or three of them at a time and go in.

I would take old bottles of water during the day and freeze them preparing for the night. I would put them on the back of my neck and chest. It might sound crazy, but it was soothing for me. All I know is it works! You know when you’re nauseated and it’s like a heat wave comes over you. Ugh. The frozen bottle(s) definitely played a huge role in taming that. As time moved on and things got worse, I had to come up with some other remedies.

My first visit to the emergency room. A Friday night. 🏥

The first time I went to the E.R. I was dehydrated. Which that’s never happened before. Any one who knows me personally knows, I love me some water. I prefer water over any beverage. I squeeze a whole lemon in there with extra ice. Mmm, that’s right. However, I was so sick I didn’t want to eat or drink anything and so, that led to dehydration. My daughter took this picture of the trash cane. Which is ironic because the whole time I was laying in the bed I was starring at it. Hoping I wouldn’t have to use it.

Emergency room visit number 2. 🚑

This time was way worse than the first time to the E.R. I thought I wasn’t going to make it. If I exhaled I thought I would throw up. I still don’t know how I got my daughter and me dressed and ready to this day. I guess you really don’t know what you can do until you have no options but to do it. I took three grocery bags and put one inside thee another just in case I threw up on the way. Thank God I live on base and the hospital is literally right there. I can walk to the hospital. We’ll on a good day that is. It’s not far at all. Naomi called Papa and Mom on FaceTime and they stayed on the phone the entire time. Even with it being 1 o’clock in the morning on there time. (East coast.) It’s the little things Chile. I could tell they were worried. Especially with my husband being gone. That’s that military wife life for ya.

I walked in the emergency room with my baby by my side, tears running down my face, a frozen bottle of water on the side of my neck, with my head titled to the side. I handed the receptionist my military ID and they called me back immediately. They took me to a room way in the back being I was pregnant and had my daughter with me. Which I thought was very sweet. The nurse recognized me instantly from the first visit. I could tell he felt sorry for me. I was so weak I couldn’t even answer the protocol questions. He saw how sick I was and told me to hold on one second. He came back with this pen and asked me had I ever used one before. He had retrieved it from labor and delivery. I said, no. He told me to try it! Chile! He changed my life! It was a essential oils pen. And let me to you something, that thang works!! It has peppermint, spearmint, and lavender in it. Which is known to cure queasiness. I sniffed it and instantly started to feel a relief from nausea. I was still pretty nervous because my heart rate was up. So they wanted to check the baby. Thank God she was just fine. When I looked at the screen she was waving. She hadn’t actually grown fingers yet at that point. But it was still the most precious thang ever.

They gave me a IV and I felt like a champ during and afterwards! I started to feel so much better. Whew Chile that was a night for the books right there. I’ll neva eva forget. It was a Sunday. I actually had called the on call nurse first. I reckon after listening to me cry and hearing my symptoms she told me she wanted me to go to the emergency room. I must say, the E.R. on base is where it is at for me! They’re the absolute best. Patient, compassionate, and gentle, because I was a hot mess and looked a hot mess too. The nurse even gave me a extra essential oil to take home. And I’m so thankful he did, because I used them every time I felt nauseated late at night. That’s when I would get sick mostly, at night. What do the old folks say? In the wee hours of the night. I’m telling you, night time was the worse. I would doze off about 10 o’clock and wake up at midnight running to the bathroom. I was so over waking up sick like that that I would make myself stay up to about 1 o’clock in the morning. So, if I started feeling really sick I would already be up. If I wasn’t sick by then I had faith I would make it through the rest of the night. After being sick for weeks upon weeks I lived in fear of the night. I would start getting anxious as soon as the sun went down. If there was a night that I didn’t feel as sick to my stomach, I would have the worse headache. And sometimes that would make my stomach hurt. By the end of my first trimester Naomi and me had moved downstairs. I couldn’t sleep laying flat. I could only get comfortable and not feel the urge to throw up if I was sitting up. So, I slept in the recliner for about three weeks, with the pregnancy pillow my husband ordered and got sent to the house for me while he was still gone. I was finally comfy cozy. My daughter seemed to enjoy “camping out” downstairs. Desperate Housewives held me down a lot of my first trimester. Lynette, Gabby, Susan, and Bree are a dog on trip. I love that show!

I thought it was super duper sweet how my husband came home from sleeping on the ground and in a tent, to sleeping right beside me in the recliner. That’s a rule we have. As long as we’re in the house together we sleep together, no matter what. I felt so bad for him because he’s pretty long. So, I know he was very uncomfortable. But he stuck it out with me, no complaints. Like he always does. He always stayed in touch, he never missed a beat, not even from a far. He never makes me feel alone. I’m grateful for him.

It would be days I would be so sick. I would just breakdown and cry. But that only made me sicker. Chile!! I felt like I couldn’t catch a break! I really didn’t know if I was coming or going. The only thing about night fall that I looked forward to was a phone call from husband. The sound of his voice always made me feel just a little bit better. I’m just glad that my daughter would be sound asleep when the worse parts of me happened.

Him ♥️

So yeah, these are the things that I had to have for sure all the time, especially before bed!!! Ya know, juuust in case I would wake up feeling sick.

  1. At least two frozen bottles of water.
  2. A cold cloth already applied to my forehead before falling asleep.
  3. My essential oils. One in hand (I slept with it in my hand.) and the other one on the night stand.
  4. Last but certainly not least! Trident peppermint chewing gum!

“Peppermint and spearmint gums are great ways to sooth your stomach when you’ve got morning sickness. Chewing gum creates more saliva, and saliva soothes the stomach naturally.”

If ya pregnant or not and ya stomach hurts, get you some chewing gum Chile!

So yeah, that’s what’s been happening with me. That’s why I’ve been so M.I.A. I wasn’t pressed on people, places, or things at the time. I had a priority to take care of my daughter as best I could, while trying to maintain alone. Only very few people knew I was pregnant. So, for those who didn’t know I was pregnant probably thought I was being a pure butt hole. But Chile, if you only knew…

I’m Just Saying….





Trust Your Struggle

See, I was so loyal to ineffectiveness that it was sickening! It was like I was addicted to habits that were ineffective. INSANITY. I wanted different but did the same things over and over again. Just for moments of pleasure. Stupid. I realized with each day and each prayer that nothing in my life would change physically if I didn’t change mentally. Everything starts with self. Home base. Stop being so anxious to give others what you aren’t willing to give yourself. Give yourself the value that you seek from others. Now that I know me and love me. I will cut people off with the quickness. The more I learn myself and get to know me. I know who I want to be around and who I don’t. I know what I want to be around and what I won’t. I stand out, not fit in anymore. Even if you in particular haven’t done anything to me, but you have craziness and chaos around you. I’m dipping. Gots tuh go. Everyone is not for you. Be fine with that. I prefer a few solid people in my life. Rather than a immense amount of still folks. Still this. Still that. Still complaining. Still unmotivated. Still mad. Still doing the same things and still don’t want to change. Still asking questions and still don’t want the real answers. It is my right to not want to be around those types of people! I didn’t even want to be around me when I was still. I can be honest and say I’m critical when it comes to people. But that is because I’m critical of myself. I like to continually move up the latter in all aspects of my life. I don’t do well with stagnant minded folk. Eh. I admire people who have fought their way through their struggles and now they stand ten toes down in their goals and dreams. Quite a few people come to mind. Smoke the struggle. Don’t let the struggle smoke you.

I Pray

Well, well, well. What do you know. It is exactly 12:41 a.m. right now, and I just woke up about thirty minutes ago. Now, what in the up all night is going on here! Geesh! I tell ya Chile. I’m fitting to be up, up. (Teehee.) Ugh. I feel good though. Rejuvenated, ya know. I was tired Chile. It was a pretty busy day yesterday. (I was about to say today, but technically it was yesterday.) I remember my husbae walking in the bedroom with a icecream sandwich. I looked at him half silly and dozed off within 10 seconds. Chile, it was about 8 o’clock when I passed out.  We tucked Naomi in. We said our prayers and Chile! I walked in my bedroom, saw my bed, and I fell face forward on it. It’s been zzzz’s ever since.

I got on social media for a bit after dinna and was sad by the news of P. Diddys exgirlfriend & mother of his children, Kim Porter passes away yesterday. I read in the вℓσgѕ that she was found dead in her home. No one knows the cause of death. Either way, that’s neither here nor there when you think about the pain that her children must be going through. Sigh. I couldn’t imagine. I mean I COULD NOT IMAGINE. My heart aches for her family and friends. I’m not going to pretend that she was someone I knew, because I didn’t. I didn’t even follow her on social media. I saw her through other people I follow and like. The things everyone said about her. She is loved. I keep reading how everyone keeps saying the one same thing, “She was a beautiful person inside and out.” I just want to cry for her kids. I’m talking real tears. Jesus.

I am thankful to Jesus that I haven’t endured that kind of pain. One of the worst pains in life was watching my husband mourn his mom when she passed. Ma. I even look at him sometimes now

He’s 31, and his mom is not here. I COULD NOT IMAGINE! Oh Jesus, I could not imagine.

When they say count yo blessing! You better count yo blessings. All of them. Even the tiniest ones. It is always someone praying for the things you have right now. I have learned some things from death. Seeing people you love in that type of pain. 2018 has been a struggle. I ain’t even going to lie. The year is still not over yet. I just thank God. One of my dear friends, we met last year. Her husband and her are absolutely one of a kind. We all bonded over the Thanksgiving holiday. People who becamefamily over night. And then I got that phone call….

I just….

Jesus please, show up and show out for all the people who have loved and lost. Comfort those who grieve. Cradle them Father God as I know already know You will Jesus. 

People are worried about the wrong things. (Me too sometimes.) I am honestly proud to say that I am better with my gratefulness. I used to be a whole fool too. Always wanting more, not always looking at all the blessings I already have because of the blessing I want.

I’m happy. Some days I wake up so happy just because. Just because I’m here. The people I love are here. The people I love are healthy and here. Jesus. I think You for love and life. I thank You for health and happiness.  (I say this multiple times a day.)

Let me tell you something. My soul shifted when I saw tears coming down my husbands face. He just set in complete silence.  My soul ached for my soulmate.

I just pray.



Sometimes I Just Gotta Talk to Myself

Ugh. Let me just be honest. I am a complete mess down bust down. Well, maybe not a complete, but I’m dang sure partial.


I’m not even going to say the devil is busy. Of course we know his simple self is up to something, as always. However, this is different. I’ve been praying for certain things in certain areas of my life. And Chile, God is working one on me! Every day is a fight. That’s why you should stay ready. So you don’t have to get ready. Thank you Jesus it isn’t anything detrimental happening. I always keep in mind that things could be worse. So, woosah. Chile. I be having to talk to myself! I have to talk to myself as if I’m someone else coming to me with the same problem. What would I tell them?! The truth! So, I do the same with myself! I tell myself the blunt truth. Sometimes we don’t want to be honest about our feelings. Our thoughts. Chile. I be embarrassed I feel like. You feel me? I be whipping myself back into shape. Who has time to be moping around? Not I! Those days of calling people up on the phone who are already moping around having their own pity party is ova. I cut that years ago. But just recently, well, I’ll say a little over just recently did I truly understand the things that are right in my life. Even when I’m going through Chile.

Now check this out. My I.D. just got up and left the building! It just, vanished. I am clueless to what happened to it. No. Like forreal. I can’t find it. It’s like what? Week three now?! For those who don’t know. Not having a I.D. on base is like trying to drive a car without wheels, literally. AND PLEASE! Don’t be that person that asks, “Do you know what you did with it?” “Where did you last have it?” Ummm. Listen to what you’re asking me. If I knew what I did with it, it wouldn’t be lost. Right? I’m Just Saying

We have searched high and low. Still, ain’t found the I.D. in the first. Even Naomi pulled out her flash light. Rob done made so many faces while looking for it. Err. I know I won’t find it until I past this test though. I already know. Some will understand & comprehend exactly what I’m sayibg. Others, well not so much. Just know I’ve been asking God for something and He is not making it easy for me. Then the devil is tripping or whateva because my Bible has been opened more than I’m sure he likes. Whateva. I mean, when is the devil known not to raise hell!

I have made three attempts to get me a new I.D. Today my husband even took me on his lunch break, to Deers to get me back right. 💥BAM! Non in void! Chile. I could have cried. (Shoot. I wanted too.)  Right there in the dang office. I was so, so blown. I still don’t have a I.D. We left the place and came straight home. I have not talked about it since. (Well, until now.) I didn’t come home and complain eitha. I didn’t whine, not nothing. I just said, “Thank you Jesus anyway .” I put Naomi down for a nap and then laid across my bed. Mentally exhausted. I was sooo frustrated. I ain’t lying. I wanted to drop kick a wall or something. It wasn’t even 1 o’clock yet and already I felt like my day was just upside down. And it’s Monday at that! What a way to start off the week. (I started this blog Monday night. It may be Friday before you read it though. Haha.) Ummjust being honest. Before I knew it, I was trying to have a mental pity party. I had to get up!! Clean something, fold something, read something, something! A jacked up day. Doesn’t mean a jacked up life. Okay! I need for you to understand that. 

I remember when I used to ride around, looking for pleasure in music and sceneries. Yeah. Trust me. I know things can be worse.

So with that I try not to trip over nothingness. I’ve been praying for God to take that away by the way. Being overwhelmed over nothingness. So yeah, that’s that. Let’s move on. Cause I ain’t fitting to linger on this here I.D. no mo! Next time you see me. I’m going to have a new identification. *Two snaps and a twist.*


Truth moment. I’m not big at all into politics. All jokes aside I pray to God for the craziness in this here world. And yes, I trust Him. That’s how I get down in my life. The only POTUS and FLOTUS I’ve ever followed behind (And still do.) of course is the Obamas!!! However I do educate myself on what is going on so I will be educated on my voting, etc. I’m just proud to be a black woman who can use her voice. And I’m gonna use it too! Oh, how we have come a long way in that department.

Now, I haven’t set down and watched the news since my husband has been a Marine. So what, since 2009. Yep. That doesn’t make me ignorant to what’s happening in the world. Trust me. But I know what to and what not to feed my spirit. And the news for me! Ain’t it! One of my past time friends once said to me, “Girl you need to watch the news.” ME: TUH! What I wanted to tell her (All jokes aside. But I won’t trying to hurt her feelings at the time.) was, “And you need to get a whole new man! Cause while you and yours are sitting watching the news, mines is fighting the war you worried about happening in ya shabby tail living room. Paaaalease!

Any-who. What’s next?….

So I’ve been getting up everyday watching  “The Potters Touch.” Ya know, T.D. Jakes. He preaches for a goodt, and I do mean a goodt thirty minutes. Usually I watch two episodes. Thirty minutes just ain’t enough for me. I would usually only do this on Sunday mornings. But Chile, one day a week ain’t cutting it right now. It has been so fulfilling too. It keeps me from waivering in my faith. It keeps my eyes on the prize type of thing I guess you can say. Starting out my mornings with that after reading my Daily Devotions is a need more than a want

So listen. I just took my braids out. I washed and conditioned the heck out of my hair too. It was so dirty. Nawl. Mybhair was filthy.

Chile. I’m so over trying to find someone to do my hair. I’m already unsatisfied before I even find someone. So what is when the point.  It’s just too much. I move way too much to be trying to find someone to do my hair every time I turn around. Most of the time I braid my hair. It’s easy for me, affordable, and I be cute. I’ve even been asked do I do hair. I’ve been watching a few YouTube channels on silk pressing natural hair. I think my first time came out pret-ty good. I was actually shocked Chile. Every little thing counts. Hence, the ‘chase method.’ I quickly learned about. I’m really into getting my natural hair how I want it. I’ve neglected my hair with sew ins and wigs for so many years now. I’m over it. Don’t get me wrong. If I could get me a bomb sew in right now, at the very moment. I would! Haha. I want to train my hair to be how it was when I first met my husband. Waaaaaay before, and when I say, waaaaay before I eva thought Rob would be my husband. I mean that. Woo Chile. I’m taking it, what thaws say? Back, back? I’m taking it back, back! That’s a serious hair goal though. I’m going to see what I’m looking like in a good six months. You ain’t gone be able to tell me nothing. Hopefully in four months, shoot. My hair is already healthy and thick. (Thank God finally to the healthy party.) I’m more of a straight hair natural girl. I rather do a silk press than two strand twist. I really would like to master a bun. I eventually want a real ponytail. Not just the pony. If ya know what I mean. Haha. Trust me. I know all about that. When I was pregnant my hair was flawless. For one, I had just moved to Cleveland. So my old stylist still had her prints on it. (I miss her!)Then too, I’m sure my hair was healthy because like I said, I was pregnant. After I had Naomi, every thing went! Even my edges. So three years later. I’m happy Chile. I’m out the woods! Now I just need to find some pavement! I reckon I’ll start making y’all some videos and posting pictures on my social media. IG, Twitter, SnapChat. One of those accounts. Most likely it will be IG, Pinterest, and Twitter. So yeah. That’s that.

Ummm…what else? Before I wrap this thang up.

I’ll just leave you with this

The test that you’re going through is designed to hurt you. If it doesn’t hurt you, it doesn’t help you. 

I’m Just Saying




I don’t care what is happening in my life. I will not be calling my husband, Zaddy! Period. Now, I know there are plenty of females that are already like, blah, blah, blah. Chill. There is no right or wrong. It’s just a topic of di and my preference. I’m Just Saying. One of my closets friends and I had a conversation about this topic (Haha.) “Why do women call men Daddy?” Now, my homegirl thinks I’m absolutely tripping. (She says, ‘Zaddy.’) And I completely think she’s crazy. (Haha.) But that’s the amazing thing about our friendship, we can debate, relate, and laugh about it all in the same breath. So, yeah. She’s all like, “Zaddy.” And I’m like, “Ewww.” God done blessed me with an amazing man. A goodt husband, and you think I’m referring to him as Daddy!? Chile, please.

I have neva, eva, eva, called a man or referred to any man as Zaddy or Daddy unless I was talking about my Daddy. Biological Daddy, that is. I don’t know, maybe I’m tripping. Am I? When I hear the word Daddy I think of my Daddy instantly. Not the man I’m sleeping with. I can’t see me being like, “Hey Zaddy” (In my sexy voice) when I’m talking to Rob. Ewww, no. I’m not doing that. Plus, all jokes aside, and for those who know me personally, know. I done prayed too hard. I mean too hard, for an amazing husband. I done prayed too hard for God to shape me into a wife my husband is deserving of. I done just prayed too hard. (NO SHAME.) To be calling my dog on husband, Daddy. And that’s facts! To each it’s own. But that’s my paragraph.

The only time I’m referring to my man as Daddy, is when I’m referencing it to the fact that Rob is my baby’s daddy. In other words, he’s the father of my child. (Much better.)

I may call a female that isn’t my blood sister, my sis. I call my two guys cousins my brothers. I may call Feleicia up the street my cousin. But I ain’t calling my husband, Daddy!

I know women who call their boyfriends Zaddy more than they call them by their government names. God don’t know what ya asking for. A Daddy or a husband.

On another note though:

I have my head phones in right. I’m laying in bed. It’s a little before 5 o’clock in the morning. I don’t want to wake up my husbae while I ji-zam to my music so I put one headphone in and leave one head phone out so I can hear ‘Baby Doll’ in her bedroom. I forgot what song was playing first, but 10 Seconds by Jaszmin Sullivan came on and I instantly bust out with a whole 8 count dance routine in my head! (Hahaha!) Like, what? I promise you I trip myself out alot these days. I legit just went off in my head with a dance routine!

I broke out with a dance routine with like 15 people behind me in sync with every move I make. I reckon I have a heck of a imagination don’t I? I can’t lie though, I do it all the time. I love dancing actually. Big ups to the daily dance parties Naomi and me have. (Trolls soundtrack.) I just wish I could dance like Aaliyah Janell. Oh my gosh, she is so sick with it. I don’t know if you’re familiar with her or not, but Chile. Woo-Wee. That’s all I’m gone say. I can give you a bop, bop, maybe even a drop, drop. But I can’t get on no dance floor or any other floor and get down like some of these folks get down. Put it like this! I’m a Zumba instructor. Don’t sleep on me now. I didn’t say I was stiff. Just know I know when to sit my tail down. Okaay!!

So when a upbeat song comes on I just want to dance Chile. It’s like, I just got to move honey. Clap my hands, something! But when a slow song comes on I want to be sexy and act out the lyrics in a music video. (Did I just say this outloud? Wow.) 🤣🤷🏽‍♀️

Ugh-Oh Chile! Rock Steady by Aretha Franklin is playing now!!! I’m going off in my head! (Haha.) Music is everything to me. The beat, the lyrics, the instruments.

I fell asleep pretty early last night. My head hit the pillow and it was a wrap. I woke up a little after 4 o’clock this morning. I got up, went and checked in on Naomi, went to the bathroom, kitchen, and got back in bed. Instead of allowing the devil to start tip toeing in my mind with worry and confusion,(You know how he do. Especially in the wee hours of the night. I’ve heard before, actually more than once. That 3a.m. – 5a.m. is the devils hours.) So, I decide to edit some blogs and listen to “My Favorites” playlist. I know me and I know better. I occupy my mind with things that will make me think about things that make me happy. Things that make me glorify the Lord for my many blessing. Things that make me want to move and make love. I come through Dripping with a Cardi B alot. You get what I’m saying. Occupy and feed your mind things that are creditable, respectable, and satisfying to you. See, me just laying in bed, is me setting myself up for the devil to occupy my mind. Be proactive. It’s all about knowing you and you being honesty with knowing your pros and cons. And I ain’t there yet. It’s hard for me to just lay in the bed in the wee hours of the night and not, THINK. THINKING about everything that could go wrong. THINKING about, “What if.?!” Chile! Ain’t nobody got time for that. Mind gone be all twisted the next morning. It’s rare when I can’t sleep. But when it happens, I take precaution seriously.


You remember when you were and a grown up would ask you, “What do you want to be when you get older?” I was just sitting here thinking. We’re trying to be something our whole lives. Whether it be something physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. So on and so on.

Make someone feel good today. Give a compliment today. Tell someone to have a blessed day today. Uplifting others is a uplift for yourself. Vibes are contagious. Spread the good ones. You never know what someone is going through. Being kind to someone else can help with what you’re going through. Tell someone you love them today. Tell someone that you care about them today. Do it today.

For tomorow isn’t promised to any of us…

I’m Just Saying…

xOxO. 💋


What does success mean to you? -Cara Alwill Leyba

Success to me, well, (Clears throat.) Success to me is successfully fulfilling happiness. Even in the mist of the storms. Even when things aren’t exactly what you want them to be. Even when you yearn for more, you will decide to be happily content until there is more. Even when things don’t go as ‘planned.’ Even, “When it rains it pours.” Just even when, ya know? I don’t want to be married, I want to continue to be happily married. Understand the difference. I want to be a successful wife to a deserving husband. I want to be a successful mother. Where my daughter will know hurt, but never from me. I want to be successful at being quiet. Not everything or eveybody needs or deserves a comment or remark. Ya know? I want to be successful in trusting God when it’s most hard to trust Him. That’s is what success means to me.

Success can be many of things to different people. Success can be money and fame. Success can be college degrees. Success can mean opening a business. Success can be marriage, baby carriage, and the white picket fence. There is no right or wrong. It’s all based on opinions and perspective. I just wanted to share with you my first initial thoughts when I read this specific question. Happiness, being a successful wife and mommy, and trusting God. Happiness brings so many bright things. So many new beginnings. “When you love somebody and they love you back.” Feels so good right? *Inhale* And a mothers love. There is no comparison. Being successful at these things is important to me. Trusting God brings an immense of joy that conquers all worries. All fears! You feel me? Am I being too deep? Or are you not deep enough? When I hear success, these are the things that come to my mind first.

For those who follow me consistently, (My RLSC followers.) I know you were probably like, “She hasn’t posted anything in a while.” I know. I’ve been really quiet lately huh? Truth be told, 28 was an emotional age for me. Very emotional actually. A lot of death happened. That took a toll on me. People that are very dear to my heart were in pain. Unfixable pain. Undeniable pain. And this is where my pain started flowing in, slowly, but please believe me surely. To see tragedy around you. Like, like really around you is more than a lot.

People, places and things. Right decisions. Wrong decisions. Freedom of emotions. Caged ones. Trying to get people to understand me when I’m trying to get to understand myself. Or maybe people not getting me, because they don’t get themselves. (Tsk. Tsk.) Some people. No, we as people have a fine way of building a character of ourselves, instead of dealing with who we aunthentically are.) Whoa Chile. I literally said our loud one day, “Enough is enough.” I didn’t scream it. I didn’t even say it like I was fed up. I just said it. However, knew I meant it.

First thing first. I had to get my prayer life back in order. It is so vital to me to start my day and end my night with God. I don’t care how many mistakes I may make during the day! When I pray in the mornings, and I do mean pray. I’m talking about, “In the mighty name of Jesus” prayer. Afterwards I feel so hopeful. So grateful. I feel protected, motivated and then some! I refuse to answer my phone, text, messages, or open social media sights until after I pray. And in all truth, if it’s a time when I get caught slipping, I’m disappointed in myself. And forreal, I can honestly feel the differnce in my day too. I mean, think about it. Vibes are contagious. It has been times where I have opened texts messages about a friend that may be going through something with her man. And I’m all caught up in something that has absolutely nothing to do with me, but because I genuinely care about my love ones feels. It can be a strong opinion from a complete stranger on Instagram or Facebook that altered your attitude before your pedicure even hit the floor. It could be someone agreeing to or entertaining something or someone you don’t have much liking to. It could be a comment some simple fool left on your page. And look! Just that fast you already feel like this, that, and the third before you even take your morning pee or brush your teeth. Alot of things are based on perspective in my opinion. When you start ya day off feeling hopeful, thankful, productive and so on. You tend to sleep better at night if I was to say so myself. For one, you aren’t going to bed with the weight of the wolrd on your shoulders. And who can agree that some of that weight has absolutely nothing to do with you? Chile. Let me tell you. I will help you. I will sincerely pray for you. I will sing a song for you, and I will encourage you to be happy in every way you know how to be. I stay away from it Chile. Whatever it is. I stay away from it. “If it ain’t for me Jesus! Keep it away!” I don’t care if it’s a person(s), place, or thing. I don’t want it. I barely comment on certain things these days. I’ve learned my lesson. 🙄 What they say, “Mind the business you getting paid.” Well, honey! Cha- Ching. I am. I done had enough drama in my life. Welcomed and unwelcome that I have completely washed my hands of. Who agrees with me when I say that vibes are real? Real contagious too!

This is kind of random, but ummm. I feel like I can read a person by their body language, demeanor, and disposition better than their actually words. So when someone acts otherwise, I feel as if my intelligence has been insulted. What’s your thoughts on that?

So, yeah, all in all I wanted to make some changes internally. I didn’t like the thought of walking into my 29 with all the same feelings and perspective I’d been having. I wanted to know the root of my thoughts. My guilt, my ‘failures’ etc. I wanted to know what really makes me happy, and why. (Chuckles.) I thought it was hard getting to know people. Ha. Yeah right. Getting to know me has been one bittersweet season finale type stuff on a regular basis. But in a very peculiar way, I’m enjoying it. So, for those who know me personally, know that I stay with some type of self challenge. I stay, “I’m not going to drink kool-aid for a week.” “I’m going to get up and run every Sunday morning.” “No eating after 7 o’clock during the week day.” I stay up to something all the time. A lot of these things consist of working out, or eating ‘right.’ It’s not so much because I wanted to loose weight, (Which I can’t lie and pretend like I’m not loving my new weight.) but it’s more about self- discipline. Challenging myself to do what I say I’m going to do. And having enough self- discipline to actually do it. That’s something a lot of people battle with. As I still do with somethings. But I take pride in being so much better at disciplining myself. Whether it be mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically. 💪🏾

So, one random day, as usual. I came up with the idea to do a “Book Tour.” I wanted to spend the rest of my summer reading an immense amount of books. But because I’m such a book worm, I wasn’t focused on the amount of books I would read this summer. But moreso the type of books I would read. I wanted to read books that would broaden my horizon. Educate me in ways I wasn’t interested in before. My first and always go to books when life is hectic, is my Jesus Calling book. A1! Oh my goodness. (I love that book.) Those short passages will give you so much power. Just a few words can blow an entire mind. I enjoy T.D. JAKES and his family something serious. Joyce Myers is on point too. Oh yeah, one of my new favorites, John Gary! But along with those books, I wanted to open my mind to other readings. Readings that would help me be me, authentically me. Books that would help spark more drive in me to be creative with no hesitations. No fears.

“Style Your Mind.” and “Like She Owns the Place.” (Cara Alwill Leyba.) Are two books that stick out to me. I would love to have all of her books! This summer I read a total of 13 books. I feel so many ways! So many good ways. It’s so amazing to me what a cozy, quiet, candle lit, dim lights, hot tea, or wine will do for you when you’re reading a good book. When I read Adnan Syeds book (That’s a whole other topic of discussion.) I could not sleep. I would roll over to read, “Just one chapter.” Chile! Listen, I look forward to bed time some nights more than others. When Naomi is soundly sleeping and my love bug is beside me in his snoring slumber. It sucks being a night owl and early bird all at the same time. Ugh!

One emotion, fed another emotion and it just became a domino affect in a way. My books became something I started to really look forward to amongst a few other things that melt my heart.♥️) Educating myself, taking in written down words, writing down my own words. It didn’t even have to necessarily be a self help book that left me tongue tied. It’s more so the perspective of the person who wrote the words in the book that I am reading. To me, reading gives you a profound understanding of people, places, and things. I mean, in all truth and facts. I feel like the best way for someone to get to know me, is by reading my blog. Hell, even if you know me. I feel like my blog will allow someone to get to know me more intimately. Not just what the eye meets. I’m big on understanding and comprehending the differnce between knowing someone and knowing of someone.

So yeah Chile. That’s what I’ve been doing. Reading, reading, and some more reading. I feel so, so good! My books are my therapy. And the words are my counselor. 29 is umm significant for me. I pray for soooo many things this year. I have hope, I am faithful, and I am ready.

I read something to the effects of, “If we took the time to work on our inside, like we work on our outside appearance….” You finish the rest. What’s your thoughts? No, forreal though.

I’m Just Saying….



Make Me Proud

What are you most proud of?

There is no order to this at all. God knows, there is a lot of things that I am proud of, very proud of actually. But right now, I want to say that, I am proud of my husband and me. Everything between us went from, 0-100! No, seriously. Like, I feel like our whole experience with each other just happened fast. We had some yellow light moments, but…

Falling in love, moving, long distance, military, school, me moving, getting preggo, married, etc. Chile, and a whole of in betweens. It just keeps going from there. I’m loving every moment of it though. We’ll, not every moment if you want to be literal. Just know I wouldn’t change it for the world. It’s quite the experience.

When I left Virginia. I had all these things planned and mapped out. I wanted to do this. and I was going to do that. Chile! I got to Cleveland, December 12, 2014. I found out I was pregnant, by January 5, 2015. I found out a day after Robs birthday. Chile, I reckon we missed each other. Rob had already moved to Ohio, he had to start work. Me on the other hand, we’ll I had to finish my semester at school first. So, yeah. I hadn’t seen him in two months. Two months to long I reckon.

We got married. Which was a surprise how it all happened. (I’ll blog about it one day.) I was so happy.

Rob having a demanding job at the time, Recruiting Duty. Ugh. It was all new and it was all crazy! And crazy is putting it nice.

But we made it work.

My teammate.

*Team work makes the dream work. *

We had no family. No friends (At one point.)

All we had was each other. And with stressful, long work days, it sometimes got lonely.

Becoming newlyweds, and having a new born all at once, made our world spin. And I couldn’t be more proud of my husband and the father of my kid.

Talking about getting to know each other Chile. In the rough times, you have to remember why you fell in love with this person in the first place. The older I get, I realize you shouldn’t allow anger to make decisions for you. Life is too short.

Listen, I am no perfectionist when it comes to these things. Heck, none of us are. Even the therapist herself has her own problems. But the key to it all, is dealing with it and how you deal with it.

Some days, I don’t know how we made it! I mean, at the bigger scheme of things I know how. But, that is why I say, I am so proud of us. Sometimes it was all a blur.

Chile, we were young and tired. And rolling with the punches.

Heck, we still are.

These terrible twos got us looking at each other side eyed.

I keep God first! Believing what God joined together, let no man separate. Mark 10:9

It’s hard out here. Being young and married. Heck, young, black, and married. The scrutiny of marriage. The words that are constantly spoken about our black me, ‘NIGGAS AIN’T SHIT.’ (Please excuse my language. But let’s address it how it is addressed.)

I get it! If Rob would do to me the way I’ve seen some people that I know and know of get treated, I couldn’t make you any promises. I know I’d be angry too. Straight up! Let me just be honest. Shoot! Ain’t no telling what would come out of my mouth either. So, please believe me when I say, I ain’t judging! Just because I don’t do it now, doesn’t mean I’ve never done it. But some females, MAKE THEIR OWN BED, AND DON’T WANT TO LIE IN IT, THEN BLAME THE MAN. (Accountability.)

I think it’s sad, how Father’s Day is not as big as Mother’s Day. Yes, do we hear about all the dead beats who don’t do anything? I do, and I think they’re pathetic too. But what about ALL the dads in the world that get watered down?? Then we turn around and want the black man to act a certain type of way, after we break them all the way down.

I ain’t fitting to get all into that now though, because that’s not what I came here for.

So, yeah. That is one of the things that I am proud of, us.

After I had Naomi ya’ll. I was all over the place. It’s like nothing came second nature to me. My husband on the other hand, had it down pack! I couldn’t even change Naomi. Rob did all of that. I would be pumping milk, and doze off. I’d wake up, and milk would be everywhere. I felt like dairy queen.

Rob had it all down packed. I was so frustrated, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t, just get it. He, on the other hand gots the magic touch. I was so overwhelmed and stressed. Breast feeding WHOOPED my tail! I was too through. Chile, I tell ya.

When my parents came to see me, right after I had Naomi, I was so happy. My mom cooked enough food for the marine corps. She froze some of it too. Rob ate for weeks! She washed clothes, cleaned up. She did it all!! My dad, we’ll ya know Papa.

Chile, when they left. I was lost in the sauce.

How many of ya’ll ladies, done cried with ya’ll baby?

I was a mess down, bust down.

Rob would come home, dead dog tired, and I’d be in Naomi’s room, crying and rocking her. He’d come in, wash his hands, take Naomi, and BOOM! You could hear a mouse Chile! Looking back, I’m like dang Naomi. You just going to play me like that? At the time that it was happening, I didn’t care! All I knew was, I had help! And I didn’t hear anymore crying. I would run to the bathroom, get the water as hot as my skin could take it, and cry, or not. Depending on how tired I was. (Ha-ha.) I’d just lean against the wall.

I’ve almost bust my tail a couple of times too, closing my eyes and what not.

Having a new born is some work. Heck, it’s all work. But I want to do it again and again.

Naomi did start sleeping through the night at three months. That was a blessing.

I remember she use to wake up and want to play. She was about two months at that time. She would be laughing, and it would wake me up. Rob would already be up. (Who is not surprised?) That baby could pass gas, and he’d wake up. When I tell you he would be up, watching Naomi sleep. It would be like 2, 3 o’clock in the morning.

It done got real, real around here.

I’m very thankful for it all. I wouldn’t change it for the world.